Guest Blogger: Liz Maverick

Liz MaverickAs it happens to be the 6th of January, I still have time to blab about the new year and what it all means. What does it all mean? I have no freaking idea. I do, however, have thoughts I would like to share with you and have attempted to provide some words of inspiration. The sort of words that will make you forget what happened last year and focus on the possibilities and opportunities that will materialize this year. The sort of words that will make you want to stand up and say, Hell, yeah!

But first, let’s discuss my singing voice.

I happen to have a really hideous singing voice. I don’t reveal this to you as a sort of self-deprecating call for reassurance or compliments. I reveal this to you so you will understand why I have not and never will stand up and perform Karaoke in front of, well, anyone. There was a time in my youth when my aunt convinced me to sing along to I’m Called Little Buttercup from HMS Pinafore whilst she played piano accompaniment. I think the shock of that performance, the tortuous keening of my unsteady warble still reverberates through the souls of those who were present on that fateful day. Apparently, I have the sort of voice that could shift the Earth’s tilt or at least make presidents spontaneously vomit on foreign dignitaries.

That being said, one must be prepared in case circumstances do not provide an out.

Therefore, I have memorized one song and only one song to be used in a Karaoke Emergency (Notice the capitals. The situation would have to be that extreme). Obviously, it had to be a very special song. A song so uplifting, so motivational that the talent (or lack thereof) in question would become irrelevant and perhaps even wholly unnoticeable. It had be a song that could actually get the masses up out of their seats, saying, Now listen here, people. We’re not going to let this planet get hit by an asteroid and no way are we going to stand by and let the President puke on the Japanese prime minister! And at the end of the song, everyone would raise their fists to the sky and belt out, Hell, yeah!

I’m sure you all know where I’m going with this. I’m sure you’ve already identified the song. That song is, of course, Ice, Ice Baby as performed by the great American philosopher, Vanilla Ice. A sample below as plucked from the Internet, and then we analyze.

All right, stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don’t know
Turn off the lights and I’ll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull’s eye the kid don’t play
If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

We’re talking about commitment to excellence, people. I believe Mr. Ice was speaking metaphorically about striving for excellence, struggling with the creative muse, and overcoming the obstacles in his way.

As fellow creative artists (with better haircuts) we can examine these lyrics in light of our own work. I think of this poem as reflecting a writer who stands up one day (alcohol may or may not be involved) and says, Hey, you out there! Check this out! I’m going dig into my guts and find the stuff that will make these pages stand up and say Hallelujah. I don’t know if the muse wants to cooperate, but that doesn’t matter because I’m above the muse-crutch thing. I’m going to make it happen. I’m going to rock these pages; I’m going to freaking light it up. I don’t care what anybody thinks, because I’m going to see it out the way I want to see it out, and when I get to the end, it’s going be the best possible work I’ve got in me because I won’t settle for less. So, step aside naysayers. If you’re not willing to go for the bull’s eye, don’t tryout for my team.

(My interpretation is, of course, my own. I certainly respect your right to differ in opinion. Especially since I’m not really sure about the harpoon bit. A call to Mr. Ice’s publicist has gone unanswered, so we may never really know what exactly he had in mind.)

Now where does this leave us? I believe Mr. Ice was giving us a sort of call to action. A call to action that we, finding ourselves at the beginning of a new year, can treat something like a resolution. A resolution that doesn’t involve weighing oneself or promising to call one’s mother more often (though I highly recommend the latter).

So what you do is close the door to your office or if you don’t have an office, just go into the bathroom. Put your fists in the air because you know victory is yours this year, and shout out a Hell, yeah!

Then go back to your project, whatever you’re working on. Put your fingers on the keys and say, Excuse me, Muse, I hope you’re on my side today, but if you’re feeling a little fickle, Honey, you’re just going to have to step aside.

Happy New Year, everyone, now go kick some ass.

Liz Maverick

Stop by and say yo: I’ll have an mp3 of this Great American Classic up shortly.

Shards of Crimson
January 2007

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16 Responses to Guest Blogger: Liz Maverick

  1. Theresa says:


    Hell Yeah!!!

    Now that’s what I call a motivational speach, πŸ˜† And just the kick in the butt I need.
    Now I’m off to scream and toss about my muse!! I don’t need no stinkin’ muse-crutch!!

  2. Hell, yeah, I’m going to kick some writing butt. Yo, watch me work now.

    Great post, Liz πŸ™‚ And maybe your insights into Ice, Ice Baby will start the serious study of Mr. Ice’s work that has so long been missing from good literature courses.

  3. Edie Ramer says:

    Hell yeah! LOL, I think we’re going to get a lot of Hell Yeahs in the comments.

    I loved, loved, loved this post, Liz. I don’t wait for my muse anyway, because she’s a fickle bitch. She’s been spending too much time with Michelle and not enough with me. 😈

    Now I’ve got my 2007 mantra: Rock the pages. πŸ™‚

  4. Sorry, couldn’t get the harpoon question out of my mind. I can see the harpoon, flowing swiftly through the water, attached to its chain. Of course, this could well be an allusion to our will to nail the big story, the big success. Obviously, I’m sure Mr. Ice is against any whale hunting, but he’s using a potentially shocking and violent image to portray the raw will within us all to aim for the leviathan of our dreams.

  5. Jody W. says:

    I can only think of one appropriate way to respond to such a post, as follows:

    My, my, my music hits me so hard
    Makes me say “Oh my Lord”
    Thank you for blessing me
    With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet
    It feels good, when you know you’re down
    A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
    And I’m known as such
    And this is a beat, uh, they can’t touch

  6. Theresa says:


    I bet the harpoon is a metaphor for harpooning that stinkin’ fickle bitch of a muse and draging her back to the author’s side, where she belongs. πŸ˜†

    Which means you better keep an eye on your muse. 😯 because Edie is harpooning for her. πŸ˜€

  7. Edie Ramer says:

    Jody, love your rap.:grin:

    LOL, Theresa. You know me better than I know myself. Michelle’s lucky she lives so far away from me. But we will be together in Dallas this summer.:twisted:

  8. The scaredy cat is hiding behind me, but she’s still whispering some great plot ideas in my ear :mrgreen:.

  9. LaDonna says:

    Liz great post! Anything that can make me feel a, Hell Yeah on a Saturday morn is grand stuff. I love your view, and plan on “singing” my song loud and clear.

    Hey, Jody, do you have a music agent yet? Me thinks rap has been waiting for a chance. 😈

  10. Jody W. says:

    MC Hammer would hurt me if I covered any of his tunes, I suspect.

  11. Liz Kreger says:

    Great blog, Liz. I’m inspired by half of it and choking on my tea during the other half. Way funny. I can see why your books are so successful with this combination of of humor and determination fueling them.

    I’m certainly inspired to get back to tackling my revisions.

    Thank you for joining us.

  12. Zoe Winters says:

    OMFG this is the funniest blog I’ve read in quite awhile. This just completely kicks ass, Liz. hahahahaha. Now it’s stuck in my head. So I both love and hate you right now.


  13. Zoe Winters says:

    I’m listening to the vanilla ice MP3 right now. and Tom just said he wants to divorce me. He said: “I’m sorry, I can’t be married to you anymore.” hahahahaha.

    This is TOTALLY and completely my theme song for the rest of this novel I’m working on.

  14. spyscribbler says:

    I love it, Liz! Great post! This post makes me want to start a list of all time favorite blog posts!

  15. Liz Maverick says:

    My pleasure, all. Thanks for the reminder about The Esteemed Mr. Hammer. I just know there’s got to be hidden meaning in those big pants. Wait, that didn’t sound right. *Sigh* Never mind.

    And for those of you who have loved ones scoffing as you play the mp3…you have to know they’re gonna go listen to it in secret next time you’re in the bathroom.




  16. Zoe Winters says:

    hahaha I’m totally listening to it every day of this 90 days I’m doing this “novel in 90” thing, after I do my work. heh.

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