What would you say? What would you choose?
June 19th, 2007 by Theresa
I got a call from a frustrated writer friend this weekend.
And she asked me the question. The question that every single one of us has been asked, at one time or another. What do you say to someone who is trashing your chosen genre? Apparently, a workmate of hers has been making sharp, digging comments about her books. Not that this person has ever actually read them, but regardless—she apparently feels qualified to expound about how trashy they are. Because they are romances. Not that this woman has ever actually read a romance. Nope—this woman is too discriminating to be caught dead reading a a romance. She reads real literature. Which translates, in her mind at least, to good literature. In other words, she is our standard patronizing, rude, (and I suspect jealous) don’thaveacluewhattheyaretalkingabout reader.
My friend, who is a total sweetie, says she’s continually caught off guard when this woman makes her snarky comments—and she stutters and stammers and acts guilty. Which infuriates her later. So, she is looking for an equally snarky comment. One she can memorize and fling out at a moments notice.
Anyone have any suggestions? 
I do have a standard reply when faced with these kinds of circumstances. The first thing I do is ask the person in question (and I seriously question both their good taste and their manners) if they’ve ever actually read a romance. Amazingly, no one has ever answered this question in the affirmative. Which, is a good thing considering my actual response rests on this supposition. Because then I tell them that if they haven’t read any romances, they’re not qualified to voice an opinion, that only someone who has actually read the books in question were qualified to talk about them. At which point, I offer them four books, and tell them that after they’ve read them, well—then I might be interested in listening to what they have to say.
Sadly, I’ve never had anyone actually take me up on this challenge. 
I have the four books I’d give them chosen though.
Dream a Little Dream, by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Crazy For You, by Jennifer Cruise
Kiss and Tell, by Cherry Adair
Kill and Tell, by Linda Howard
So tell me, what would your four choices be? What four books would you offer up to educate your rude, patronizing—uneducated coworker?
41 Responses to “What would you say? What would you choose?”
Great question, Theresa. I’ve had people tell me they don’t read romance, but I haven’t had anyone say it in a snarky way. I’ve given my sister a couple romance books, and she tried them, but truly wasn’t drawn in. Shrug. I don’t care for the books she reads either.
Four books is hard. I guess it would depend if I knew what they liked. For humorous books, it would be any Jennifer Crusie, although my favorite is Welcome to Tempation. Suspense, I’d give them one of Allison Brennan’s. Historical, again it would depend on what they like, but you can’t go wrong with Madeline Hunter. For Women’s Fiction, I have a large variety, but one of Barbara Samuel’s would be good. And I’ll throw in one extra for everyone who reads comics–Karma Girl by Jennifer Estep.
Funny how those with axes to grind have seldom read a romance . . .
I’d give them My Dearest Enemy by Connie Brockway, Dark Paradise by Tami Hoag, Absolutely, Positively by Jayne Ann Krentz and The Morning Gift by Eva Ibbotson.
Fun topic, Theresa
.
How infuriating for your friend. I’d say, “Why would you latch on to a stereotype without first educating yourself and forming your own opinions?”
Here are four romance novels I love:
* Flowers from the Storm by Laura Kinsale
* Bliss by Judy Cuevas (though good luck finding a copy)
* The Second Coming of Lucy Hatch by Marsha Moyer (this is more like women’s fic than romance, but it has such a strong and compelling love story that it belongs in this list, IMO)
* No Place Like Home, Barbara Samuel (or Bed of Spices, also by BS – though again it might be hard to find)
One of my friends said romance was such a waste of time. My comeback was “What are you, a fiction bigot?” It was interesting to see all the color drain out of her face. I softened the blow with a lick of my tongue and we laughed it off. The good thing is, it never came up again. She still asks me how my writing is going to this day.
As for books I’d recommend, I usually don’t because I prefer urban fantasies. Don’t get me wrong. I like romance, but it’s not tops on my list of genres.
I would say, “Really!” or “Bless your heart, aren’t you opinionated!”. Something along those lines — plus the sly, knowing smile of the literarily fulfilled.
However, I am not a romance missionary, and recommending books to somebody who’s openly snide and resistant is a lot more confrontational than is good for my blood pressure.
I’m with Jody, Theresa. Honestly, I would not rise to the occassion of giving her tit for tat. Obviously, this woman has insecurities galore having to fling mud like that. I never feel the need to defend my choices. Enough choices out there for everyone IMO.
It is what it is.
I like your response, Theresa. “You’re not qualified to give an opinion.” I’ll have to remember that one.
I generally don’t get a lot of snide remarks about the books I read/write. When people ask me what I read, I get really enthusiastic and they probably don’t have the heart to belittle my choice of genre.
The only really snide remark I ever got was from a bartender that my husband knows who said “Oh, you write porn.” I was so surprised that I couldn’t even think of a comeback. Thought of one later, of course, but then it was too late. I think I just told him that “No, I write romances. Big difference.”
Oh, jeez, this hasn’t happened to me yet, but I know (since there are plenty of rude folks out there) that it is probably just a matter of time until I get these comments.
Books I’d recommend…well, I’d have to think longer to come up with four–but the first one that jumps to mind is my all time fav read, Dream Man by Linda Howard.
Theresa, I think the best response to someone like that is to not respond at all. They’ll get the message. Don’t let those narrow minded asses stop you from reading what you want. In fact, why don’t you bring in a hot erotic novel to read in front of her? Something with a soft porn look about it.
Personally, I never read a romance until I joined the RWA. No reason attached. Since joining I’ve read about five I think, and all were entertaining. Although, I might have read romances previously and didn’t realize they were. (I was clueless to genre until I joined RWA). I was addicted to Jackie Collins for a long time, as well as Judith Krantz.
For me, readin’s readin’. It’s my favorite form of entertainment!
I only have one title I’d recommend. FUCK OFF.
Karin wins, hands down!
how do I make the devil smiley?
Karin, there’s : evil : without the spaces for
or : twisted : without the spaces for 
.
Click the tab on top that says Technical Stuff, just above the MAGICAL MUSINGS header, and it explains all the smilies for word press plus HTML stuff. And I think the smilies need a space after the previous word to work.
I just found out the smilies also need a space before the period to work too. As usual, I learn by making mistakes, lol.
Frankly I wouldn’t bother to suggest any romance titles to someone who’s rude and biased, though I have to say I love Karin’s answer. Hmm, maybe the kid’s book–Everybody Poops. Just because the rude co-worker seems intend on spreading sh*t?
Karin, you’re my hero! You just said what we were all thinking.
Just as if you don’t vote you can’t bitch about who’s in charge, if you don’t read a genre you can’t bitch about it either.
I would just say, “different people like different things, but your preference for something else doesn’t make my genre somehow empirically lesser. If you think you could do better, please write one. I’m sure the world would love to read it.”
I know that’s kind of catty, but if this was someone just in my personal life giving me grief I would be very blunt.
I like your answer, Zoe, but Karin’s wins hands down.
lol Liz, I write romance, but I also write “porn” lol so I would have just said, “Why yes, I do. It’s embarrassing that you can’t stop thinking about it since last night, huh?”
Edie,
Choosing just four books to represent our genre is very difficult, isn’t it?
And I have no problem with people that have tried reading romance and just can’t get into them. It’s all subjective, as we very well know. But the thing I’ve found is that most of the people who have at least tried them, even if they don’t care for the genre–have a a heck of a lot more respect for the books. They don’t clasify everything in our genre as trash, with that superior lift to the eyebrow and snarky eye roll.
Michelle,
It really is amazing how these people who’ve no clue what a romance is all about, are so quick to condemn them….
btw blog mommy. You should be so proud of your image uploading lessons. You know every single one of those covers showed up exactly where I wanted it to, and on the first try. And I didn’t even have to go back and re-read your list of instructions.
By George, I think I finally got it!!
Therese.
I’ve heard wonderful things about Laura Kinsale, and that book in particular. This is a great reminder to try to find that book for myself. I suspect, from what I’ve heard, that I’d love it.
Marcia,
Fiction Bigot. I like that.
I’m going to have to remember that for the next time I run into the superior members of this old crit group I used to belong to. They used to tell me I was too good for that genre and should concentrate on something with more class.
Come to think of it. Fiction Bigot describes them perfectly.
Jody,
You know I never used to say anything, I’d just shrug it off and keep my mouth shut. But it started feeling like I was admitting to feeling shame for this genre I love–which isn’t the case at all.
And I started thinking that if nobody defended it, then it would never gain the respect it deserves.
Besides, once I started defending it–I felt ever so much better.
LaDonna,
As I mentioned to Jody. I never used to defend my choices either. But not saying anything did really bug me, because it always felt like I was ashamed of what I was reading, or agreed with them somehow. Plus– not saying anything meant they kept saying things.
When I’d finally had enough, and confronted them with their opinion, they shut up pretty quick. Very rarely does anyone say anything snide about what I read and write.
And at the very least I feel better about it. I no longer feel like I’m hiding what I write and read.
Liz,
I’ll have to give the old launching into an excited monologue about my book a try. I bet it would be hard to say something snarky to someone who is so excited and happy with what they’re doing.
The other thing I might try is talking non-stop and not giving them a chance to get a word in edge-wise.
Cynthia!!
I LURV Dream Man. In fact, its my very favorite Howard book. And a big time favorite reread…. in fact, I’m feeling the need to go back and reread since you mentioned the title. . .
Kathy,
Beleive me. I have no problem reading what I want, when I want, where i want.
In fact, I used to bring my category romances into work with me (my job was a labor job where I was only one of two women working with 150 guys ranging in age from mid twenties to mid sixties. There were lots of readers in there, but Westerns or Spy Thrillers were their preference. I read alot of category and Single Title romantaic suspense at that time–and got lots of teasing from my workmates.
Until I challenged them to read a couple of them. Which several did, and from that point on not only did they not tease me, but they’d ask me to bring in more books for them. We had a whole library going on, and over half were romances with those old fashioned clinch covers, and they were just as dog-eared and beaten up as the westerns and thrillers.
Karin
That response wins hands down.
However, I think Chris might be a tad to noconfrontational to take that approach.
I’ll certainly use it though.
Edie,
That’s so funny. I’d forgotten about the
icon. 
I think I need to check our technical page out for a refresher course myself!
Jan,
I’ve never heard of that book–Everybody Poops, but with a title like that. I might just have to get it for myself. It sounds cute.
And yeah, it sure does sound like this co-worker of Chris’s likes to throw up the shit. She probably knows it bothers Chris. Some people are just mean like that.
Jill, You’re a woman after my own heart.
Nope– you don’t get to bitch, if you don’t vote. Nor do you get to snark, if you don’t read.
You go Zoe!!
And Blunt is good.
You know you made me LOL about the porn comment. The guys at work used to always tease me about writing Porn. They’d say, hey– hows the porn coming along. Until I told them they were sure obssessed with Porn. . .maybe I should have a little chat with their wives..
Truth be told, the guys were really good to me, maybe because they knew how much blackmail material I had on them?
I love Karin’s response
(and I must admit that’s what I usually say inside my head), but my typical response is “Sexy men, strong women and happily ever after…what could be better?” Then I smile and go back to my reading!
As for books…hmmm, I think I would give four authors…
Jenny Crusie
Suzanne Brockmann
LaVyrle Spencer
Bertrice Small
Great blog topic!
Christyne– I like you’re response, both savvy and classy at the same time. And it doesn’t leave any room for a rebuttle–which makes it even better.
Looks like we’ve got two of the same authors on our list– although Brockman didn’t make my list of four, she would have been within my list of eight or nine.
I haven’t read any LaVyrle Spencer or Beatrice Small though.
lol Theresa! I think it’s a sign of a sexually stunted/repressed culture when writing about sex is considered taboo. It’s one of the most natural acts in the world, and books are relatively private worlds.
How true, Zoe.
Or a culture where sex is treated like a dirty little secret.
hehe that too. The internet has opened my eyes to the fact that so many things I thought weren’t very common actually are. And I wonder how people before the internet even dealt with their sexuality at all.
they got together in intimate little clubs, with fancy passwords– like Lynne’s loaded penis dictum.
hehehe. Maybe the internet is taking all the fun out lol.