Jody Wallace was supposed to step in for me this week as guest blogger, however, I see that she got pre-empted by the feline that allows her to live with her and cater to her every need. I do hope that Mean Kitty doesn’t have Jody tied up and thrown into the closet. Well, if and when Jody escapes, be sure to check out her website. I see that she has a book coming out with Samhain Publishing in early 2008.
Without further ado … here is our guest blogger – Mean Kitty.
There’s been a lot written about why writers are drawn to cats. Throughout history, cats and writers have been paired like socks and shoes. Many humans have theorized about why writerly types are so drawn to felines.
The truth is, it hardly matters why writers like cats. What matters is why cats like writers.
Anybody who knows us (cats) also knows we don’t care what humans think, not really. The more you want us, the more inclined we are to hoist a back leg and lick our butts instead of submit to a lovedown.
If you purposefully avoid us — or, say, have allergies and enter a cat’s house — the more inclined we are to give YOU a lovedown. We sense these things. It makes life more interesting and ensures humans don’t get a skewed perception of who’s the boss in the cat/human relationship.
Writer humans appeal to cats because:
1) They tend to remain stationary for long periods of time, providing a non-moving lap — should we care to grace it.
2) They tend to be awake at odd hours of the night, and since we’re nocturnal, that means more petting or playtime — should we care to take advantage of it.
3) Because their schedules are more catlike than humanlike, their eating schedules also vary, which provides more opportunities for us to get snacks — should we care to eat them.
4) They tend to develop reflexive physical quirks when deep in “think” mode, like pencil jittering, hair twirling, toe tapping and knee bouncing, and said quirk can be nudged to include back scratching, neck tickling or belly rubbing — should we care to train them.
5) They zone out for long periods of time, and if we’re not in the mood for lapsitting, we can use that time to rampage through the house without them noticing — should we feel rampagous. It’s the perfect chance to do a number on the plants, the leather recliner, the dog, the laundry, the spot on the wall, the curtains, the gerbil, the sink, the rug in the den, etc., and it’s even funnier because technically they could have stopped us.
6) Although they zone out for long periods of time, if they shut us out of the room where they’re working, sustained scratching and yowling will cause them to open said door and leave it open so they won’t be interrupted again. If the door happens to be the door to the outside, well, hilarity can ensue — should we care to laugh at them.
7) They tend to bathe and change clothes less frequently than other humans, which means more spots of food and spore on their clothing we can lick and chew — should we care to annoy them. Same goes for foot and hair odor intensifying between baths, since some cats are fond of
human foot and hair odor, or at least pretend they are to freak the humans out. (Besides, baths are for dogs.)
They habitually dismiss the other humans in the house, especially the spitty, grabby small ones, which means more uninterrupted attention for us — should we care to demand it.
9) They tend to avoid the responsibility of dogs, since our canine lessers, who are practically prehistoric, require regular walking and grooming, and they poop in the middle of the yard or street for no reason other than they’re dumb. Every cat knows you only poop out in the open to make a statement, and I don’t mean an artistic one. Due to their neediness, dogs don’t mesh that well with the writer humans’ tendency to zone out — should we object to dogs in the house, which
most of us do.
And last but not least:
10) Their fingers and opposable thumbs come in handy for updating our websites and blogs and typing out our books so we can hit the NY Times Best Seller list — should we care to be famous. Regular humans aren’t as inclined to do our typing for us, and let me tell you, they don’t make an ergonomic keyboard for a cat.
If you want to know more about what cats are really like, visit my site: meankitty; my blog: meankittybox.blogspot; and my obedient Typing Slave’s site: jodywallace. Didn’t she do a nice job with this entry for me? I only had to swat her a few times when she tried to remove a couple things she felt were too humiliating.
Meankitty
PS: Other links about cats and writers include:
endicott-studio (cats and fantasy writers)
catquotes (general cat quotes)
shadow-warrior.info (literary cat quotes)
themecatsandwriters (like minded cat who appreciates his writer)
Welcome, Mean Kitty
. I’m one of those people who loves cats, but am allergic to them. Of course, they always come sit on my lap.
ROFL Thank you, Mean Kitty, for a great post. My Belle is a great mouser, and that includes the mouse that comes with my computer. Is there a way to tell her it’s not vermin or a toy? And I wonder about something else – should you care to answer. Why do cats stick their butts in our faces? Do cats feel this an attractive feature to show off, or are they making a statement?
Mean Kitty, you’re a hoot!
Thanks for stopping by, and be sure and tell Jody hi for us and how much we appreciate her stopping by….well, in a roundabout way. I must say, you’ve got a great thing going. Oh, a word of advice about the spitty, grabby small one, one day she’ll be bigger and you might want to encourage an ally now. I know a grabby small one that once put her “kitty” in the refrigerator. No lie, luckily the little guy was quickly rescued, but it’s something to think about. And no, it wasn’t my grabby small one, but a friend’s.
I appreciate your stopping by, Mean Kitty. And thank you Jody for being the typing slave. This is a dictation I would have loved to listen to.
Love the kitty in the refrigerator story, LaDonna. I know when we brought home the little darlin’ (at 10 months old) both kitties took one look and gave us a stare like “Well? What is it and how long is it staying?” Didn’t have the heart to tell them that this is permanent. They got the idea.
Hello Mean Kitty. This is Erica’s Incorrigible Corgi. I am a total disobedient b*stard most of the time. But writers like dogs, too. She has three of them, plus a parrot, a lovebird (obnoxious little morning bird–I’m over that singing), and Oldest Son has a python. Erica hates the python. But she DOES talk to us dogs. And the obnoxious bird. And when Erica’s blocked in a scene, I give her ideas. But you don’t see MY name in the acknowledgments. B*tch.
Michelle: one word — Sphynx. Why deny yourself the opportunity to be ruled?
Edie: The butt-in-face tactic has many uses, but the *common* housecat does it because he or she is looking in the other direction at that particular time. (Note: meankitties? Not common.) As for the mouse, you should disguise it as a bottle of earmite drops.
LaDonna: I am training the most recent Loud Thing to drop all her meat and cheese on the floor.
Liz: Thanks for the invitation! I welcome the opportunity to spread my message.
Erica: I heard that b*itch was actually a compliment in dog world? No?
Well done Mean Kitty!! Thanks for the laugh break at my boring human job. It’s what I have to do to keep Adso in the food/catnip mousies/new collars/and trip to the vet when he lets the bunny get too close before he rips the head off [sigh]
Mean Kitty, thanks for the links. I was just at the Cat Quotes site. I’ll have to go back as I have time. Really liked this one:
The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat. – Michael McGarel
Hmmm…maybe I should get a cat–or, let a cat get me.
Clever, post. I can so see my cat saying the same thing.
mean kitty,
Do you run a mean kitty boot camp to train and educate fledgling kittens on the appropriate way to let humans care for and feed you? If so, I believe I may have one of your latest graduates.
And you should be proud, so far she has managed to hit almost every item on your list… (and then some!”
What a frightful thought. Boot camp for kitties. Do NOT tell my kitties about that. They’ve been pretty mild so far … other than the occasional fur flying.
My Belle is a sweetheart — when she wants to be.
There’s a Meankitty University in the planning stages, but it hasn’t gotten off the ground yet. The legaligies have been a little “hairy” hehehe. There is definitely an organization called SOHC (Society of House Cats), but it’s not for humans to know whether or not their cat belongs!
MK
I suspected as much. I have now been claimed by two (three if you count the one who retired to the garden) cats, the latest one likes sit on my bed at night and bite my ankles and toes.