My morning in Hell, a short story by Theresa Monsey…
The alarm goes off at 4:30 am. I jump out of bed, raring to go. I let the dogs outside to go potty and start scooping dog food into stainless steel bowls. I feel surprisingly lively after only six hours of sleep….um make that four hours, according to my living room clock which claims its actually 2:30 rather than 4:30. I check my computer clock. It says 2:30 too. I back track to the bedroom which still claims 4:30. That’s okay, I tell myself, trying to look on the bright side. This will allow me to get my two hours of writing in before work. But first I need to call the dogs back inside. Which I do. No response. I call again. No response. I poke my head out the door and find my puppy running up and down the fence line—but no sign of Luna, my adult dog.
Swearing, I jam by bare feet into a pair of boots and wrap my bathrobe around me for warmth while I venture into the frigid (0 degree) backyard. The puppy about bowls me down in his frosty breathed excitement. I hear forlorn yips down the yard and intrepidly continue only to find my Luna on the other side of the fence, bogged down in a gazillion miles of snow. The fence on my side is maybe 4 & ½ feet high (because I’ve spent the last few months snow shoveling a path around the entire perimeter of the fence so the stupid thing won’t disappear beneath all the snow) The fence on her side is maybe 6 inches high. . . now this is a dog that can jump onto a three foot grooming table, she can leap onto my super high bed, she must have leaped over this 4 foot section of fence since she was on the wrong side– but now, when I need her to, she can’t step over a pathetic 6 inches of nothing. 
Although, to give her credit, she was horribly bogged down. The snow was up over her back so she could barely move.
This isn’t so bad, I tell myself. I can reach her from this side of the fence, pick her up and haul her over. So I step over to the fence’s perimeter and immediately sink to my waist in the white stuff. It takes me forever to wallow and drag and heave myself to firm ground. And the entire time the puppy, who apparently thinks this is some kind of cool new game, is racing around me, kicking up a blizzard of ice and yipping like a banshee. Finally, I’m back on solid ground. But I’m covered in snow and freezing my butt off. Since the first order of business was to get out of this snow crusted bathrobe and into some warm clothes, I head back to the house, only to find that I’ve managed to lock the back door behind me. Which is more than a little hard to swallow since I’ve never locked that back door. Never. Arggggg.
And in the window, the cat is watching me and smirking.
There is no way, and I mean no way to get around from the back of the house to the front since somewhere around a thousand feet of snow is lurking between those two points. I can’t even get my gates open; they are so bogged down in snow. So I do the only thing I can. I break the window pane in the door and reach inside to unlock it. Then I have to clean up all the glass. In the meantime Luna is howling out there, apparently thinking she’s been abandoned—and my puppy is racing around like I’ve given him a triple shot Latte with lots of sugar. I change into warm clothes and trek across Siberia to the outside shed. After a few minutes of shoveling I finally manage to get the door open enough to crawl inside, where I unearth a couple of planks of wood. I carry them back out to where my Luna is stranded and place them in front of the fence. I’m hoping they will distribute my weight and stop me from sinking to china.
My brilliant plan actually works and after lots of swearing and cursing and threatening to leave her to freeze, I manage to haul my stupid dog back across the fence.
When I finally get home, I’m amazed to discover that only 25 minutes have passed since I first hopped, (so lively) out of bed. I’m exhausted now, and achy, and freezing. Did I mention freezing? So I reset the clock and go back to bed. Only instead of going off at 4:30, like it was supposed to, the damn thing goes off at 5:30, and now I’m in danger of being late to work.
I throw my clothes on, throw the dogs out in their kennel, throw some water on my face and toothpaste on my teeth and I race out to my car. Which starts with a groggy croak. As I head down the highway it occurs to me that my interior lights aren’t on. Neither are my exterior ones. But when I try to flip the switch on, I find it’s already on. My lights just aren’t working. Right about then, my battery light starts glowing this evil amber color and my car starts going slower and slower and slower until its barely crawling. But by the time it finally craps out on me completely, I’d managed to travel two miles down the highway. Which I have to walk back up, in the freezing cold, at 5:45 in the morning.
So how was your morning? 
Oh my lord, that must be the worst morning ever! Wow!
All I can say is I hope your evening is as good as your morning was bad!
Theresa, what a horrible morning. At least you, your puppies and even the cat are all alive and not hurt. But like Spy, I hope the rest of your day gets much better.
OMG, Theresa, that’s a truly epic bad morning… I’m so sorry! Definitely a day to call in sick and go BACK TO BED AND STAY THERE…
I remember a day much like this, when my car broke its suspension at 11pm, was towed home on a 2 hour journey, had its fuel line cut outside my house at 3am, had to be recovered to the garage, and then our second car got a flat about a mile from home.
At which point I went home, carefully let myself in and close the door behind me, phone work and told them I wasn’t coming in, had hysterics, and went to bed…
Hugs to you!
Theresa, sometimes it’s wise to go back to bed. Sorry for your bad morning, sounds like a doozy. You deserve a four star day after this one.
Wow. My day is now totally in perspective. Hopefully things have improved for you since. I’m sure the dogs were happy to have you home, though.
After all that there is no way in hell that I’m gonna complain about ANYTHING today. Carolyn is right. That just put my entire day into perspective.
Like everyone else, I hope the rest of your day goes better for you.
Holy snowy!
Well, it’s raining here and my keyboard is recalcitrant in one corner due to a dried ginger ale spill. But that’s about it.
Jody W.
I have had a few bad days, one maybe approaching this one, but not recently, and certainly my day looks like a luxury day at the spa compared to yours. Hope the rest of your day goes from rock bottom to fabulous.
Compared to your day, I’d take my ho-hum morning in a heartbeat. I think you’ve more than earned a mental health day after that fiasco.
Damn, Just go back to bed and start over!
I got out of bed at 1pm. I berated myself for about 20 minutes on how my sleep schedule is getting worse and worse and how a month ago I was happily hopping out of bed at 6 am and getting far more done.
I decided to make the best of it and refused to allow the time I got up to dictate how much I accomplish and made a firm resolution not to spend too much time on the internet until I got something worthwhile accomplished.
I had some breakfast and took my portable DVD player and a glass of water and my cell phone up to the workout room over the garage and did 40 minutes on the treadmill (walking, not running, running is bad for my knees) while I watched an episode of Buffy. Came back downstairs, had a shower, cleaned house, had lunch, checked all my internet stuffs (in progress now)
Next on the list is edits, then some yoga and reading, and hopefully if I’ve tired myself out sufficiently I can get to sleep much earlier tonight and start earlier tomorrow.
That cat looks so wonderfully cuddly!
Thanks for sharing, and have a lovely day!
“And in the window, the cat is watching me and smirking.
Are you sure she didn’t lock the door and pull the cord on your battery?
I’m so sorry you had such a rotten morning. I had an entire month of those days mid-Nov through mid-Dec so I feel your pain.
Here’s hoping the ills of today are well behind you and your evening is much better. {{hugs}}
Spy,
I will say, without reservations, that yesterday morning was one of the worst ever, in my list of bad days. And it was a Monday. How appropriate.
The rest of the day was super though. After calling someone to go open the store for me, took a long soak in the bath to warm up and went back to bed.
Edie,
I’m hoping Luna learned her lesson. She seems to think that the snow is whiter on the otherside of the fence, but I’m hoping she isn’t going to insist on jumping over again to find out for herself.
Anna,
You and I definately think alike. I did call in sick and went back to bed.
Although I didn’t actually call in sick, I called in more like grumpy and stranded. But I did go back to bed.
Your car story makes mine pale in comparison.
The alternator went out on mine, but at least they didn’t cut a gas line. And the tow truck actually got there exactly when they said they would.
But to top it off, I have a $150 per disablement on my towing insurance, and the bill came to $148.00 so the whole tow was covered!
LaDonna,
It’s funny you should mention it, the rest of the day was a 4**** day. Today has been a 5***** day. From your lips to fates ears.
Carolyn,
My dogs are always happy to have me home. A little too happy, if you ask me. They seem to think they should be permanently attached to my hip. Take right now, as I type this one is laying across my right foot and the other is laying across my left.
My cat, the little demon is laying on my desk, slaping at my fingers every few seconds.
Liz,
I’m pretty sure this means I’ve used up all my terrible morning luck at once. . . at least I better have.
The day actually turned out to be a rather nice one, though. After I got all the tow arrangements and the mechanic arrangements– I had the day free.
Jody,
Is dried ginger ale as sticky as dried pepsi. Good Lord.
I spilled Pepsi on the keyboard once and lost all my letter but s, g, and h. Oh and A. It’s really hard to make anything legible out of that combo.
I tried everything I could think of to clean the keyboard, but nothing helped. I finally ended up tossing it and buying a new one.
Michelle.
My day turned out to be quite nice after all. I went back to bed for a nice long get-over-it sleep and then spent the rest of the day puttering around the house, writing and arranging tow truck and mechanical service on my car.
It’s a pain having to borrow my mom’s car, since we’re sharing it at the moment, but I should be getting my back tomorrow.
Marcia,
I would have taken your ho-hum morning too. I love ho-hum mornings.
Zoe,
I fall into that trap on the weekends. I stay up way to late on Friday and Saturday nights, so I sleep in way to late on Sat and Sunday mornings. I usually stay up until after midnight and then don’t get up until after 10 am.
then I seem to waste the whole day away. I have been getting in my allotted hours of writing, but nothing else I have scheduled. It’s getting very frustrating.
Like you I’m going to try to head to bed much earlier this weekend, so I can get up earlier. Somehow I always seem to accomplish so much more if I get up before eight am.
Tez,
My kitty does look cuddly, doesn’t she? Ha!! she is a demon. A changling. A monster with sharp little teeth and claws.
Right now her favorite game is to attack my head in the middle of the night. She used to attack my Luna’s head. By Luna just closes her eyes tight and ignores her. I however wake up with a scream and sit straight up in bed. She seems to find that much more entertaining!
Kate
It’s so funny you should mention the possibility that she’s the one who locked me out. You know that was the first thing that occured to me as I was rattling the door and trying to jimmy the window.
I certainly wouldn’t put it past the little demon.
Theresa, is it possible your cat is hanging around with Mean Kitty?
Edie,
Bite your tongue. She’s evil enough without taking a meankitty course.
Although-
I have to admit, I was wondering that very question myself, so I’ve been returning home unexpectly the past few days to trick her, and checking to see what website my computer is on. . .
OMG! I was freezing with you, Theresa! Are you warm now?
Karin,
I’m nice and toasty now. It just took 48 hours and lots of hot chocolate.
Oh, and a couple of warm showers and two golden retriever furry comforters. . .