I read a fascinating book over the weekend. So fascinating, I found it hard to drag myself away from it to write. Entitled THE GIFT OF FEAR by Gavin de Becker, what it is really about is trusting yourself. De Becker runs a business that consults to people who have either experienced extreme violence and are trying to come to terms with it, or fear violence will be done to them, and want to prevent that.
De Becker talks about the myth that violence is unpredictable, showing time and again with his examples that it is anything but. Violence is the most predictable crime in the world. He remarks that people like to say it is unpredictable, because if it is, they don’t have to change how they do things or how they think – nothing they do or say will help.
The solid examples of how and why people act violently aside, the most interesting thing I found about the book was de Becker’s insistence that intuition, that quiet whisper in our head that something is just not right, is really our hardwired instinct for survival kicking in.
We’ve suppressed it. We’ve poured scorn on it (women’s intuition!). We’ve tried to explain it away with science. But nothing saves us more often, and if we listen to it, we will almost certainly be safer. He quite openly states women are better at listening to their intuition, because they have to listen to it more. They are far more at risk of violence than men. De Becker says one quote that has stayed with him for life is that: At their core, men fear women will laugh at them. At their core, women fear men will kill them. Unfortunately, far too often, a woman’s fear is realized.
I found a lot of food for thought in this book, and I also discovered a whole new way to look at violence in my work, and to understand the psyche of a violent man. Are there any non-fiction books that have helped you in your writing in unexpected ways?
I have to check out this book. Oprah always talks about trusting your instincts. She often interviews women who “had a feeling” that something wasn’t right and ignored it. I’ll try to remember that next time something happens to me.
The first book by John Douglas who was the original FBI profiler, or at least one of the first was excellent for me when I started writing suspense.
Also, The Girls From Ames reinforced my belief that the friendship of women runs deep and lasts long which bolstered my confidence in what I was writing in Women’s Fiction.
Several years ago when I was recovering from a major back surgery and in a full body case, I watched a lot of Oprah for the first time (I always worked during the day. She had a show on trusting your intuition which had so many helpful hints and reinforced so much of what I did instinctively to keep me as safe as I could control.
Great post.
Michelle, really enjoyed this blog! I love reading non-fiction, and believe with all my heart the necessity of a strong intuition. I’m a “feel” gal, and it’s something I don’t even think about…it’s a part of me.
Some of my favorite books, read over many years, have to do with positive energy, and spiritual wellness and discovery. Since my writing reflects my passions, we’re a package deal.
I enjoy Eckhart Tolle books and Don Ruiz too; a writer of Toltec wisdom. Of course Eat, Pray, and Love was a terrific book I enjoyed. Can’t wait for the movie now!
Oh, I’m totally into that “women’s intuition” stuff. Whenever I’m driving and uncertain of what route to take, I’ll try to look inward and let my instinct decide for me. So far … has it made a difference? No idea, but I’ve managed to get home safe and sound each time.
Hubby was looking for something to read a little while back swiped a book I picked up on body language. He says its very good and I’ll find it really helpful in my writing. Now if I can get it back from him …
Edie, Gavin de Becker is a personal friend of Oprah, and reading between the lines, I think she’s come to him for help with stalkers. It doesn’t surprise me that someone as savvy as her believes in intuition. It most likely has served her very well.
Mary Jo, I haven’t read the Girls from Ames, but I will now! Thanks for the recommendation.
I knew you were a ‘feel’ gal, LaD
. I enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love, too.
LOL on hubby taking your book, Liz. I’m trying to get my husband to read The Gift of Fear, because it addresses worry at the end, and he is a worrier. It puts worrying into perspective.