In the last month or so, I’ve judged 14 contest entries. One entry started with a heroine-in-jeopardy action scene that was very well written. But I still had to give the beginning a low mark for one reason–I didn’t care about the heroine. At this point, she’s a stranger. She hasn’t won my interest, my liking, my sympathy, my admiration. I’m sorry she’s in trouble, but because I don’t know her or care in any way about her, I don’t care that much if she’s hurt or wins the fight or whatever happens. My feelings aren’t invested.
In my latest book, the first scene starts at the beginning of the action scene, when someone is about to rob the hero. I immediately show his thoughts, and I think (hope!) I make the reader care and want to read on. The second scene is an action scene that introduces the heroine. Again, I start it just before the action, when she realizes she might be in a dicey situation. I could have thrown her into the action. The reason I didn’t was because I wanted the readers to meet her before the danger scene. I wanted the readers to see how she thought and spoke and acted. I needed them to care before the action begins.
Yesterday I got a galley of ENEMY LOVER by Karin Harlow, which has a May 25th release date. Right off the bat, the heroine is in trouble. It’s not an action scene, but it’s powerful, a cop who is being escorted to prison, to serve a life sentence, after she’s been betrayed by her fellow squad members. I’m rooting for her on the first page. By the end of the chapter, Harlow has me whipping through the pages to see what’s going to happen next. The action starts in the next scene, the kind that makes you go WOW!
None of the three characters are perfect. My hero is unique and interesting, not a normal person. Even his thinking process is different from other people’s. My heroine is a strong warrior woman, in character as well as physically, but she doesn’t always play nice. It was important to win the reader’s admiration as soon as possible for this character.
Harlow’s character is really messed up. I tend to have damaged and broken characters. Harlow’s heroine isn’t just damaged, she’s been ripped apart and put back together with a few of the pieces misplaced. She’s a strong woman who’s been horribly wronged. We can see that in her thoughts. Though she’s not a traditional heroine, I’m rooting for her from the first page. Harlow writes in third person, very deep POV. So deep she’s hitting the ocean floor. I write in the same POV, though I don’t think mine hits the ocean floor as much as Harlow’s. Harlow is raw!
Even when there’s not an action scene, we need to care about the character to want to read on. What happens in the first few pages to make the reader care about your character?
Edie,
I’m really wondering if you judged my work. I open with a semi-action scene that I love, but all 3 judges said they didn’t really care or feel for the heroine. I was surprised by this. I thought people would really get her. I believe 2 stated she was too mysterious. I actually took that as a compliment, though I don’t think it was meant as one. It’s okay. The comments have made me take a step back, really look at the opening scene and my heroine. It will take some time to work it out, but I want them to love her just as much as I do.
With that being said, I don’t always have to or want to read about a heroine that has so many issues. Sometimes, I think it’s okay to have a very strong heroine. But nobody’s perfect and even the strong heroines have deep rooted insecurities or fears. It’s up to the writer to give us those insights into who she truly is and what made her this way.
Elle, I know you’re a newer writer. I’ve been doing this for awhile, and I’m still learning.
I’ve read the excerpt you posted on your blog and really liked it. I didn’t recognize your style in any of the contest entries I judged. I’m sure you aren’t the only one who does this. And I’ve never used the word “mysterious” in my comments, either. I’ll email you.
Tough question, Edie!
Many times it revolves around word choice, as word choice provides insight into the character that is introduced.
Does a character walk/stride/putz around/skip/drag his toes into a room? something as simple and generic as walking can tell you about your characters.
I have a realitively generic intro (classroom) for my 11 year-old character, but it’s how she looks and thinks about her surroundings that provide insight into her character.
This is why it is so important to polish your work, not just to make certain the sentences don’t have a dangling partiple or contain a repetitive pattern or catch your typos, but to convey to the reader HOW your character relates to the world around her/him.
Margaret, absolutely! My heroine is running when we meet her, training for a marathon — which she never gets too, because plot happens. lol
it’s how she looks and thinks about her surroundings that provide insight into her character.
Absolutely! It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic scene. It’s about caring what happens to the character. No matter what the genre, we need to care. And your voice is so good, it really works for you.
Why haven’t you ever been nominated for RWA’s mentor of the year? Ever since I cyberally-known you, you’re always sharing STELLAR advice, as well as offering help.
I might keep my RWA membership one more year just so I can nominate you.
Moving on, the first pages of my current WIP have the main character sitting in a burnt out tree after just witnessing the blowing up of his best friend. (It’s a prologue.) Through reflection, he’s feeling shock, resentment and anger for the reasons he ended up in such a situation. The first three pages of Chapter One (the only three I got since last week) the MC is getting a physical while trying not to listen to his doctor’s sermon on condom use. MC at that point is fifty-five. I don’t know if it’s an attention grabber, but your advice will help during revisions.
P.S. to Margaret G: Awesome advice, too!
Kath, I’m blushing! Thanks. The mentor of the year is always a published writer in romance. And so many of the writers I know are helping people and sharing advice. We are truly a great community.
Kath, I haven’t read your pages, but the prologue sounds like it could be powerful. And how great to put the doctor’s sermon on condom use in the first three pages of Chapter One. LOL I love it!
Hey Edie, great insight! And I’m a character girl, all the way. Like Margaret mentioned, surroundings are so very important and the character thoughts connected to them.
I want readers there beside those characters, experiencing the day right along with them. And most importantly, wanting to know where the story will take them.
LaD, even in my paranormal books, I’m a character girl. But with WF, which you write, the author’s voice and the great characters are more important than the plot.
So happy WF is alive and well! The two elements you mentioned are my fav things about writing.
ohhhh, another great post! You’re so right, you can have a great beginning, but you have to care about the characters. its hard to get that balance.
Lori, that’s for sure. I spend a lot of time on my beginnings. They’re so important.
Loved the post and the advice. Adored the photo of the cat. Way too cute
You’re spot on as always.
Mary Jo, thanks! I couldn’t resist putting up the photo. That cat has a personality.
((HUGS)) Edie. After re-reading my comment even I feel like my WIP sounds pretty damn good. And your kind words make it even more worthy.
P.S. Get published soon. Or am I going to have to maintain my RWA membership until you do???
Wow, Edie, what a surprise this morning to see that Jax had wheedled her way into your blog! She has a way of doing that. Writing her was a lesson in humility. Her damage *is* deep but her life force is just too strong to lay down and die. She’s a modern day Scarlet in her determination. My editor bought the proposal because of her. I hope you enjoy the rest of her story!
Kath, I’m sure your book is pretty darn good! And I’m doing my best to get published.
Karin, I’ve been wanting to read more all day. I’m looking forward to some free time tonight to settle down with Enemy Lover. Just me and Belle and your book. And maybe the beagle snoring softly on the carpet. lol
Edie, 14 contest entries! You are a SAINT!
In my debut historical, my hero is standing around waiting for someone to arrive, and his thoughts while he waits, cold and irritated, are hopefully what forges a connection between him and the reader. In the next scene, when he is thrust into the action, readers hopefully care what happens to him.
Michelle, your first chapter worked for me, that’s for sure. I think your series will be a HUGE hit. It’s so brilliant.
I took on some emergency judging for two contests, in addition to the regular ones, but it’s not as saintly as it looks. This last year I only judged 3 or 4.
Ok, that cat is fabulous!
And my anti-spam word was “kitten” – how great is that?
Kitty love aside, great blog. Makes me think about things I need to change in my own work.
Kate, I want to know that cat’s story. lol
I saw the shout out for your book on Natasha’s blog. Very cool!
I’m getting around to reading blogs REALLY late tonight, but I just had to comment on that cat photo–I LOVE it!! Also, I’ve read opening scenes where I didn’t connect well enough emotionally with the hero/heroine. Sometimes it’s a personal reaction. Other times, too many people feel the same way about it for it to be ignored. I’ve had that problem with a couple of my own wips and, boy, did my CPs set me straight quickly–LOL. Thank God for good critiquers!
my CPs set me straight quickly–LOL. Thank God for good critiquers!
Marilyn, same here! I often send my CPs more than one beginning. They’re so important!