By the time y’all read this, Valentine’s will be over, regardless of where you live. But I’m going to indulge in keeping the spirit of the day going because this Valentine’s has proved to be one of the most memorable in recent past for me. You see, for me and my husband, Valentine’s hasn’t tended to be a big deal in the past several years. We’ve been together going on 22 years and this July, we’ll have been married 19—but even beyond that, it’s just not a holiday that we’ve gone out of our way to celebrate because romance and the emotion that underlies the big gestures is there every day. In the little things. The small gestures. Like the fact that when necessary, he gets up in the middle of the night to walk the dog because he knows interrupted sleep makes me crankier than a toddler. Or how, after I spent a week away with our son in New York, I came home to find the rugs vacuumed, the dishes done and put away, and the bed made, because he knows that coming home to a messy house makes me crankier than a toddler.
But most importantly, he gets me. He gets what writing means to me. He gets my frustration when things don’t go my way (and given that this is publishing, how much really does go our way, right?). He went with me to a signing the other day and opened books for me to my preferred signing page when I was signing the stock.
He tells me there’s nothing I can’t do, writing-wise, even when I’m scared out of my mind that oh, hell no, there’s no way I can do this (whatever “this” happens to be at any given moment).
On New Year’s he bought me a stuffed Yoda that talks (scolds, really) when you squeeze him. Saying “Try not! Do or do not! There is no try!” Perfect for those “Oh, hell no,” moments.
Better still, he doesn’t just give blind support. I wouldn’t let him read my work for the longest time, mostly because I was terrified, knowing that he’d be stone-cold honest and my delicate little writer’s ego couldn’t quite handle it at the time. But I finally did. And when he gave me compliments, the highest of which was asking when the next chapters would be ready to go, I knew they were stone-cold honest. Because he would have told me if the pages sucked. Trust me.
So yeah, the romance in our lives is a little unlikely and definitely every day. So color me surprised when I walked into my office yesterday morning to discover a lovely card propped up against an old-fashioned gumball-style dispenser holding M&Ms in varying shades of green. And when I looked more closely, I saw that the candies had phrases on them.
“Try not.”
“Do or do not.”
“There is no try.”
Yep. He got me Yoda M&Ms. See?
It both had me giggling madly and tearing up, because once again, he got me. He knows I’m nervous about a new proposal that’s currently out. He knows it scares me because it’s so different from anything I’ve done before. He knows I’m even more scared by the new ideas the lizard brain has been concocting because again, so very different and it’s taking me in directions I never even could have begun imagining as little as two years ago. Or even last year.
The flowers that showed up later—a gorgeous lavender called Ocean Song—were just icing on the cake, but you know, the thing about my husband is that he might have easily done this on just any random Thursday. That’s what makes him so special—what makes the romance in our lives so enduring. That it happened on Valentine’s just gives it that extra bit of sweetness—and gave me a good excuse to run to the grocery store and pick up some cupcakes to go with the dinner I was making.
I guess that’s really at the root of the type of romance I’ve always been drawn to, both as a reader and a writer. Those slice of life moments, full of little, every day sorts of things. Not that there’s not something appealing about the big, over the top, our-love-will-endure-even-past-death-Titanic sort of love story, but it’s the quiet, intimate love story that I’m drawn to, time and again.
So, that’s my true romance. What about you?
Barbara, as a born again crab, that was about the most perfect Valentine story I have heard in a long time. It’s nice to be married to your best friend.
I used to look at my parents when they folded the sheets together and as they came to the part where you meet with both ends, my dad would raise it up and give her a kiss behind the sheet and she would giggle. It never failed to make her giggle and I thought that was the best thing. That and he was a great cook and when my mom worked late she came home to a hot meal. As a first generation Italian, I was blessed with a genuine liberated male, my first role model and still my best. Thanks for reminding me that romance is sometimes as simple as remembering to put the seat down
Thanks for a thoughtful post.
Oh, the sheet story just melted my romantic little heart. And the fact that you had such a lovely role model in your dad.
And yeah, sometimes, it’s just that simple, isn’t it?
You have me totally jealous, Barbara. It would never occur to my husband to do half of those things.
I was giggling over the Yoda and the M&Ms.
Still, he shows his love/support in other ways. Like yours, the house is cleaned when I’m just too tired to bother. He takes over on the little darlin’ when I’m at the end of my rope without having to be asked. Its the little things that are the most important to me. Sure, he brought roses for both the little darlin’ and I, but I’ll take a thoroughly cleaned bathroom over flowers any day. Just don’t tell him that.
That’s the thing, though, isn’t it, Liz? Those little things that we can’t always put our finger on, that will make us downright swoon.
You know, he came with me to the RITA ceremony the year I won. Mind you, I had absolutely NO expectation of winning and told him so, not wanting him to be disappointed. And he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Don’t you get it, I want to go because as far as I’m concerned, you’ve already won.”
*SWOON*
And don’t worry, I won’t tell yours about the bathroom/flowers.
Oh, Barb, I LOVED this story!! Thank you for this romantic, heartfelt post to start the day… A hubby who would get his wife the *perfect* gift for her (M&M’s with Yoda sayings — SO awesome!!) is a truly thoughtful man. Glad you had such a lovely Valentine’s Day.
It was absolutely lovely, despite the fact that the poor man has a wretched cold. So my gift to him was a spicy white chili with chicken and andouille sausage.
He said after he ate it that his throat was numb and no longer hurt for which he was profoundly grateful.
That is one of the loveliest, most romantic gestures ever!! Happy V-Day to you–and fingers crossed on your new project!!
Thank you! I hope your V-Day was equally awesome!
(And believe me, I’ll keep you posted on the new project– it’s… different. I think you’ll like. *g*)
I loved reading this. How sweet! I want one of those Yodas! (Guess who will be searching online when she has a hundred things she should be doing?)
My husband bought me bought flowers, but even better, he baked an apple pie last Friday. Not because of any holiday. He just does things like that. Last night he made dinner. We don’t give each other big presents on Valentine’s Day anymore, but the longer we’re married, the more loving we are to each other every day.
Aw… I love apple pie! That’s an awesome gesture.
And I’m right there with you– the “big” gesture might have been more expected early on in our relationship, but the longer we’re together, the more I appreciate the little things and the everyday moments.
Okay, you got me to tear up over M&Ms… He’s definitely a romantic–and one who knows you through and through. My husband and I just booked a cruise for later this spring, so we agreed no big gifts for Valentine’s Day. I assured him that the cruise covered it! However, I ran across a recipe for a chocolate pound cake that I made the night before Valentine’s Day. It was just coming out of the oven when my husband got home from work. An hour later, when I told him yes, he could have a piece even if the cake was still warm, he looked happy and yet wistful. Finally, he explained that this was his mom’s recipe, and she made this cake all the time for him when he was a kid. I had no idea there was anything significant about the recipe!
It’s amazing the things I’m still learning about the man I’ve been living with for nearly 25 years…
Oooh… cruises are wonderful! We went on one for our honeymoon– to Alaska, since we got married in Florida in the dead of summer. I swore I was going somewhere I needed to wear a sweater for our honeymoon!
Where are you guys going?
And chocolate pound cake and memories– what a lovely, sweet combination. Glad he can still surprise you, even now.
Barb, that is so romantic. So, so romantic. Usually, my husband surprises me with flowers and chocolates, he’s way better than me when it comes to that. This year, the tables were turned. He is so tired and stressed at work, he totally forgot to organize anything, but I had – just chocolates and declarations of love – and the fact that I didn’t mind at all that he didn’t do anything was probably the best thing of all, given his look of relief.
Oh, you had me at Yoda.