Body parts, zombies, cheating and giveaways

I don’t get the obsession with zombies. Especially as love interests. First, zombies are dead people who want to eat live people’s brains. That’s just not sexy. Second, their bodies are rotting, and rotting flesh stinks. Which brings us to number three. Their rotting body parts fall off – and then are magically regrown.

So imagine you’re in love with a zombie who remembers enough of being alive to love you back. Imagine he remembers sex is exciting and fun, and he wants to do it again. Imagine you say yes.

Then imagine you’re having sex with your zombie boyfriend.

Last, imagine one important body part falling off.

One other thing I don’t get is cheating. I’m not talking about cheating on taxes or Scrabble (not that I do either). I’m talking about cheating on someone who expects monogamy.

To put this all together, I’m giving away one of my ebooks to three commenters who answer these two questions: If you discover your zombie boyfriend is cheating on you, which body part would you whack off? And how would you do it?

I’ll post the winners’ names here on Wednesday morning. If you win, you can let me know which book you want: Cattitude, Dead People, Dragon Blues or Galaxy Girls.

Have fun with this! I’m going to enjoy reading your answers.

We have winners! Congrats to Sandy Marshall, Marcia Colette and Clenna Emery! Thanks for commenting, everyone, and happy reading.

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34 Responses to Body parts, zombies, cheating and giveaways

  1. Ask a crazy Italian this question? Okay Edie, you are a little she-devil. I might believe that a group comprised mainly of women would have no problem imagining which body part they would hack off? Since this isn’t a real guy and you might get the thrill of watching it grow back, why not do an Elena Bobitt? This is too much fun only because I know the part will grow back. His loose lips, the hands that touched another, or biting off Amy Atwell … those “lying eyes?” You could use a hack-saw, a scissor or for the last … a mellon scooper :)
    florence fois`s last blog was …City Scapes … The Museum Mile …

  2. Edie Ramer says:

    Flo, you’re cracking me up. I thought of a hacksaw, but not a melon scooper. You gave me a very bad visual that I hope goes away soon. lol

  3. :lol: I was having so much fun watching this, I missed the table when I set my coffee down – big mess, but worth it!

    For me most demons and all zombies lack the sexy gene but they make good villains. Can’t top Flo’s response. Besides, the video cured me of wanting a zombie boyfriend.

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Marley, sorry about your table. :mrgreen:

      Flo took all the usual whacking suspects – and then she added the melon scooper. It’s hard to beat that. I’ll still add your name to the giveaway just for commenting.

  4. We only get one body part? In that case, I’m hacking him in half so I can watch the upper part squirm. Oh, and the front wheels of a semi will work just fine in that regard. But when he starts to grow back, I’m going lengthwise from crotch to crown.

    Oh, and I’m going after the harlot, especially if she’s a zombie, too. :twisted:

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Marcia, love the way you think! You don’t do anything halfway – except zombie boyfriends. lol And good idea about going after the zombie slut.

  5. Sandy says:

    I can’t remember the name of the woman who cut off her husband’s penis a few years back, but that would be the part to go. lol And, I’m not into zombies either.

  6. Mary Jo says:

    I immediately though like the other commenters. But on second thought, I’d remove the brain. With a chain saw and burn the rest as garbage.

    • Edie Ramer says:

      MJ, it would be rotting brains. Ewww. Just be careful that they don’t splatter over you. :twisted:

      Burning the rest is a great idea. I don’t know how a zombie could recover from that.

  7. Misty Evans says:

    Oh, Edie. You crack me up. Zombies are definitely gross in my book and I prefer if they’re in a story for them to be antagonists. No zombie boyfriends for me. Luckily, I watch Resident Evil movies and The Walking Dead TV show, so I know how to blow their heads off, so if I had a zombie boyfriend who cheated on me, I know how to take care of him. There won’t be anything left to grow back. :evil:

  8. Dale Mayer says:

    Okay, now that melon baller comment did me in! I wouldn’t have a zombie boyfriend to begin with. However, turning a real boyfriend that cheated INTO a zombie sounds good.

    I love the Resident Evil books! And Misty’s right. I’d make sure nothing grew back!

  9. Clenna Emery says:

    I would use a Bobbitt knife and whack off his penis and testicles and hang them above the bed! Don’t mess with me fella!

  10. Bonnie Hoffmaster says:

    EEEEWWW zombies – me no likey. #1 son spends a lot of time killing them in his video games, and he and the hubby watch that TV show The Walking Dead (I think thats what its called) I do NOT get the attraction. HATE zombies. I think if I slept with a zombie I’d cut off MY cootchie *blech*
    Ok but I guess, playing “what if”, I’d cut off his head and hide it or something – because I would think it would be kind of hard to get another girl if you are just a headless torso – like don’t most women expect at least a “hello” or SOMETHING first? His damn weenie is gonna fall off eventually anyway, and odds are it will fall off at a most inconvenient time – like you mentioned – and wouldn’t that just be what that cheating tramp deserves?

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Bonnie, I’m cracking up. You should send this scenario to the producers of The Walking Dead (which I’ve never seen). I wonder if they’d pay you for it. This storyline would make me want to watch it.

      • Bonnie Hoffmaster says:

        And then wouldn’t my street cred shoot through he roof with #1 son! He’d be able to brag to his friends – yeah, that’s right, my MOM came up with that idea *BG*
        Alas, he’s stuck with boring ol’ zombie hating me LOL

  11. Oh, Edie!! LOL, I definitely did not expect this post today — what fun!
    The video was pretty goofy — I think my favorite part was the “he’s an editor, I’m a preditor” line :razz: .
    As for which body part to cut off, I wouldn’t be standing close enough to make any surgical slices, I’m afraid. I’d just hack at him wildly until the Winchester brothers from “Supernatural” finally heard me screaming and could take care of zombie guy for me… I’d put my trust in Sam and Dean ;) .
    Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …Happy Halloween!!

  12. Barbara Elness says:

    I can’t imagine a zombie boyfriend, ick! But hypothetically, if I had one and he cheated, I’d cut off the part that he cheated on me with using a nice sharp butcher knife.

    Barbed1951 at aol dot com

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Barbara, that should do the trick. But if I did that, I’d never be able to use my butcher knife again. Zombie germs, ick. (Yes, I know that supposedly he’s my lover. Still…ick)

  13. Liz Kreger says:

    Never got the attraction of Zombies either. They’re just plain gross, IMO. Zombie boyfriend? Never in a million years. Seeing how everything grows back after being hacked off, what’s the sport? I also assume that they feel no pain … so again, where’s the sport?

    Nope. Big fire featuring roasting zombie.

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Liz, I got this idea from our conversation at P.F. Chang’s after last month’s chapter meeting. Remember I mentioned the man’s body part falling off at an inopportune time? lol

  14. Jill James says:

    I love the Walking Dead. I’m with zombie killers not zombie boyfriends. Guess I would remove said part and have a weinie roast.
    Jill James`s last blog was …Guest Bloggers

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Jill, the weinie roast idea sounds good to me. Turn it into a party.

      I’ll have to watch an episode of the Walking Dead. I’m going to google it.

  15. no zombie love for this girl.
    Karin* Tabke aka Harlow!`s last blog was …National Bestseller

  16. Cynthia Eden says:

    Okay, that video was awesomely hilarious. :)
    Cynthia Eden`s last blog was …Special Guest: Carla Swafford–And Alpha Time

  17. teressa oliver says:

    I think I would quickly find a new non zombie love interest and the two of us would take chainsaws to the cheater and the girl that was cheated with.

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