Winner Alert from yesterday’s blog post by Liz Kreger: The winner of Darynda Jones’ FIRST GRAVE ON THE RIGHT is Marcia Collette. Congrats, Marcia! Liz will be in touch with you directly to arrange delivery of your new book.
I’ve been thinking about traps lately. No, I don’t have a vermin problem. In fact, I don’t have a lot of problems in my life. I don’t have a huge mortgage hanging over my head, I’m not stuck in a dead-end job, I’m not battling a life-threatening illness, I don’t have children making choices that make me rip out my hair. There are many people I know who have real-life situations that are more challenging than mine.
But sometimes I still feel trapped. It’s a rotten feeling that can drag on for days. I have to work hard to remind myself that I’m only trapped in my mind. Yesterday was a perfect example. I was faced with a business situation—nothing life or death. But the situation required consensus of a group of people in different cities. Getting the consensus was going to mean phone calls and explanations and waiting for responses. Then I couldn’t get hold of everyone. That’s when I felt trapped. Unable to move forward. I couldn’t finish this task and while I knew there were a dozen other things I should be doing, I didn’t want to start any of them until I got this situation resolved.
Trapped is an awful state of mind because it can generate three responses—none of which I like. I can fight the situation, I can flee the situation, or I can just shut-down and let the situation engulf me. Of course, there really is a fourth response: don’t accept the premise of the trap. If I’m that girl in the photo? Instead of staring at the wall, turn around and get a little paint on the bottom of my shoes and walk right out. Bam, trap resolved. Sure, it may be a little messy, but isn’t a ruined pair of shoes a small price compared to my peace of mind?
The biggest problem with the trap is that when I’m in it, it’s hard to see a way out. Even if the key is in the lock, I cannot seem to see it. Heck, I can’t even find the door to unlock it and let myself out. I call it “deer in the headlights” mode. I am blinded by my own emotions—fear, angst, worry—to the point where I cannot see even the obvious solutions.
Being a fairly intelligent and generally pragmatic individual, this is a pain in the nether regions.
One of the tricks I’ve learned to use when I get trapped is to look at the situation as a writer telling the story. Somehow, taking me out of the picture helps a lot. Nearly every story I read starts off with the hero or heroine “trapped” in some way. By economics, by circumstances, by law. Often, at the beginning of a story, the protagonist will be fleeing the trap or maybe fighting (without success) against the trap. Sometimes the protagonist is inured to the trap. Yet, through the story and connections with other characters (often, a love interest), the protagonist finds a way out of the trap or learns to live comfortably with the circumstances so they are no longer trapped. It’s so uplifting to see a character no longer trapped that it gives me hope that I’ll break free from my traps when I encounter them.
Do you ever feel trapped by life? How do you break free?
Ugh, Amy, you’re situation yesterday would have made me feel trapped too. Sometimes life throws those combinations at us and there’s little we can do except change our state of mind. From now on, when I’m feeling trapped, I’ll remember that picture of the woman facing the wall and your words to turn around, get some paint on my shoes and walk out! Great imagery.
When I’m in a trapped state of mind, I read Eckart Tolle or Wayne Dyer and try to release my need to control things and make things happen on my schedule. Easier said than done, but I the more I practice letting go, the more success I have at it.
Misty,
How clever of you to identify that you have a need to control those situations. I think that plays a big part in my attitude about being trapped. I like to control my environment, and when I can’t, well, it stresses me. Glad I could share the “painted into a corner” imagery. Funny, I seem to do that to myself when I write, too! But I always find a way out. Thanks for the commiseration. Already feeling better.
What a great way of looking at it. I think the trapped feeling is why so many people are overweight. Instead of doing something, they turn to food.
I’m feeling overwhelmed sometimes, and I’ve come to realize I just can’t do it all and it’s okay if I don’t. On the other hand, I don’t want to get so okay with that solution that I don’t meet my goals. It’s tricky. I like the idea of thinking of myself as a character in a story. The heroine, of course. lol
Edie–you are, as always, a heroine and a rock star! It’s funny that you mentioned eating when this kind of stress hits. I’ve identified that I’m a major stress eater. I go straight for sugar and carbs when things look bleak. Today, I managed to get myself up early and walked a mile to the shopping plaza (where I treated myself to a croissant and coffee). The fresh air and exercise did wonders for my attitude. I really need to get out more.
You’re so right that you can’t do it all. You shouldn’t expect that of yourself–no one else puts that weight on your shoulders. We all tend to be harder on ourselves than we need to be. I know you’ll hold yourself to your goals. Go get ‘em!
Amy, (hug) hang in there. I’ve been so frustrated by certain situations, too, and it’s hard to step back and realize we’ve got choices. Often, I find myself thinking of a line from an old Eagles song, “Already Gone,” which meshes nicely with the “key” you were talking about in your post. The band was singing about relationships, but I think the lyrics can be applied to other circumstances, too — those moments when it’s tempting to blame someone else for not letting us move forward when, really, we need to take charge of the things we do control and go from there. I sing it to myself when I need the reminder, LOL
. They wrote: “Well, I know it wasn’t you who held me down. Heaven knows it wasn’t you who set me free. So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.”
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Marilyn,
I love The Eagles, and I’d totally forgotten that song lyric! Now I’ll need to make sure it’s on my playlist. I’m also a huge fan of Wilson Phillips. Their song “Hold On” is one of my faves when I’m feeling down. “Don’t you know, things will change, things will go your way, if you hold on for one more day…”
Thanks for the hug, and yes, I’m hanging in there. My situation is still unresolved, but I did manage to move forward on many other fronts today. Whew!
Amy, I know the feeling all to well. I have learned now that I have to switch to something mundane, but that needs to be done, putting on a load of washing, or hanging it up to dry, cleaning the kitchen, or something like that, and giving me a little distance from the problem. I can come back at it from a more clear-headed perspective after that.
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Michelle, as always, you’re very smart. Attack the mundane. I think it’s creating some form of momentum–any form–that helps put the trapped feeling at bay. Of course, you’ve also reminded me that I really need to do some laundry….
Being a housebound professional sick person after having a well traveled life through teaching left/& leaves me very trapped. I finally turned my camera inward (I’m a huge photo taking girl) & instead of my travels, I now use how my illnesses are overtaking me to capture & give a face to the invisible illnesses. Doesn’t take the pain away, but does help me cope!
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Marnie,
You are an inspiration. While many merely feel trapped by circumstances, you are physically trapped by your illness. Kudos to you for taking a productive stance that will create a legacy to help others in a similar situation. Thanks for stopping in!
Hugs Amy,
I soooo know how you feel. Like Edie, I have to realize I can’t do it all and like you I’m a major stress eater. Like Misty – I have Eckart Tolle on my shelf and need to put him on my desk!!
The good news is that situations do resolve, the stress does pass and the door to the trap opens wide – or we get a day pass
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