Humour with a Twist (with giveaway)

I love things that make me think, and make me laugh, so paraprosdokians – idioms or phrases which start with a well-known sentiment and then twist it around, usually in a funny way, are right up my street. The term paraprosdokian is Greek in origin, and basically means ‘against expectation’. My absolute favorite one is:

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes – that way, when you do judge them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

I also like this one:

To err is human – to really stuff things up, you need a computer.

I’ve searched around, and come up with a few other good ones, but I’d love it if you could add to the list in the comments. One randomly drawn commenter will win a $15 amazon gift voucher.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

Where there’s a will, there are relatives.

Give a man an inch and he thinks he’s a ruler.

I don’t engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.

Here are a few by some famous people:

“If I am reading this graph correctly — I’d be very surprised.” — Stephen Colber

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx

“She looks as though she’s been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say ‘when’.” — P. G. Wodehouse

“I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks.” — Emo Philips

“A fool and his money are soon elected.” — Will Rogers

Now over to you, I’d love to hear what you think of paraprosdokians, or if you know a good one, please share it. I’ll draw the amazon gift voucher winner on Thursday morning.

Giveaway winner: Thanks to random.org, we have a winner. Well done to Barbara Elness – I’ll be in touch to let you know your amazon voucher is on its way.

About Michelle Diener

Michelle Diener writes historical fiction and fantasy. To find out more about her and her novels, you can visit her website.
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36 Responses to Humour with a Twist (with giveaway)

  1. CateS says:

    Once I thought I was wrong, but I wasn’t.

  2. Michelle,

    Love how the word paraprosdokian rolls off the tongue! Just the sound tickles me.

    Don’t know if this fits the terminology well, but I’ve found thinking it far to often lately:
    No good deed goes unpunished.

    It’s practically become my motto.
    Casey Clifford`s last blog was …I’m Back…

  3. Edie Ramer says:

    Michelle, thanks for the laughs! I just made this up as I read the one you had with the same beginning:
    Give a man an inch and he wants eight more.

  4. Chelsea B. says:

    The first one is one of my favorites, too! Another:
    The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.
    – Source Unknown.
    As someone who lives in a small town, this is absolutely hilarious ;-)
    And:
    Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.
    – Peckeroy.
    So many days, that is me…. Okay everyday :-)

  5. Amy Atwell says:

    Thanks for the laughter this morning, Michelle. Loved the Groucho Marx quote. In my more cynical moods, I tend to think things like, “You obviously have mistaken me for someone who cares. I also used to work with a team of 20 mostly young guys unloading tractor trailers (I’ve had a rich and varied career…), and my crazy way of telling them I cared was to say, “You are just like the little brother I never wanted.”
    Amy Atwell`s last blog was …World-Building: If They Build It, We Will Come

  6. jeanette8042 says:

    I love reading them, some of them are so funny!

  7. blodeuedd says:

    Lol, I did not even know about these. Just too funny
    blodeuedd`s last blog was …Review: Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men – Molly Harper

  8. Meg S says:

    I love these! I like “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.”

  9. bn100 says:

    Fun post. Where there’s a will, there are attorneys.

  10. Barbara Elness says:

    I love these. Here are a few more:
    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
    It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper,
    that’s the time to do it.
    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

  11. Amy Remus says:

    Fun post, Michelle!

    Our pastor at church uses ones like this all the time, but uses different endings: “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

    Another one I saw online (and thought it was fitting for you authors that hear voices and see people): “Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.”

  12. Janet Kerr says:

    Well, “paraprosdokian” is a great word.
    How about: “The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!”
    Jan

  13. Misty Evans says:

    Today was a total waste of makeup.

    Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.

    You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.

    :)

  14. Liz Kreger says:

    Love the quotes and the ones that commentors left. I needed a chuckle at the end of the day.

    Let’s see … Be careful of the toes you step on today. They may be connected to the ass you’re kissing tomorrow.

    Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death — Earl Wilson.

    Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. — author unknown

  15. Cynthia Eden says:

    LOVE that cover!!! And thanks so much for sharing all those great lines. Made me smile. ;)
    Cynthia Eden`s last blog was …Happy 4th!

  16. LOL, Michelle!!
    I didn’t realize there was a name for these sayings — you just taught me a new word!
    (*practicing saying “paraprosdokians” aloud* :) )
    Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …The Journey Begins in Real Time…

  17. Love this, Michelle! And your cover (love so many of them!) V

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