What Is It?


It’s crazy.  Just the other day I held my first born in my arms.  Two weeks ago today, I held my grandson, her second child in my arms just minutes after he was born.  Where did the time go?

The older I get the faster time blurs by.

This past year has been a transitional one for me.  I’ve been wondering if I have at this point in my life been all that I wanted to be.  On one hand I have accomplished more than I set out to accomplish.  I have a beautiful family, gorgeous home, my health, a career I would not trade for any other career in the word, well except for being Queen of the World but that’s not an option–at the moment.  Yet…I feel like there’s more for me to do.

I feel restless and antsy, like I should know what it is I’m supposed to do next, but I have no clue what it is.

Maybe because the last four years of my life have been jam packed with emotional highs and lows.  Three of my children were married.  My youngest son went into the Marine Corps, two grandchildren were born, and two people I loved were taken from me.  Maybe this is the calm that I have been yearning for, but my brain is still in overdrive.

That’s what I try to tell myself, but honestly, since my nephew’s death last fall my life has been a jigsaw puzzle of abstracts and shifting pieces that aren’t fitting right but forcing me to look long and hard at my life and where I want it to go next.

I’m as unsure now as I have ever been because that feeling inside that I should be doing something more won’t let go.  It’s right there, niggling my every waking moment, and I have no clue what that something is.

It’s frustrating.  My husband has been patient, God bless him and told me not to focus on it, that whatever it is, it will reveal itself when it’s good and ready.  I reminded him patience is not one of my virtues.

My mother-in-law said I should play the lottery, that I was destined to win millions so that I could give it away.

My brother thinks my subconscious is telling me to move back east.  My kids think it’s to write faster to sell more books so we can take better longer vacations.

I on the other hand am waiting as if whatever it is, will simply skip up my sidewalk, ring the doorbell and say, “Hey, I’m here!  Let’s party.”

If it were so easy I wouldn’t feel so anxious.

If any of you know what it is I’m supposed to be doing next, please tell me!

And what about you?  Have you ever or do you currently have that feeling there is something more you should be doing, something more you should be?

If you know, share, or if like me you’re clueless, grab a bottle and join me for a drink, maybe between us we’ll figure it out.


About Karin Tabke aka Karin Harlow

Award winning author Karin Tabke isn’t just another author with steamy stories to tell, but a cop’s wife who has “seen it all and heard it all.” Karin also writes paranormal romance as Karin Harlow with her L.O.S.T. series hailed as paranormal romantic suspense at its “chilling and sizzling” best.
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19 Responses to What Is It?

  1. I think your hubby is right, Karin. It’ll come. Probably when you least expect it. Maybe it’s like me after I finish a book and give myself a week off. I can’t settle, because I feel anxious, like I should be writing, even though I’m on holiday. You’ve had so much going on, now things are calmer, you still can’t help thinking you should be juggling a thousand things.
    Michelle Diener`s last blog was …Book sightings

  2. Amy Atwell says:

    I feel for you, Karin. We go through these tough transitions in our lives that are filled with change. It’s easy to look back and think we haven’t done enough. The great thing I love about you is you’re looking *forward!* Yes, “it” will come in its own time, and I know you’ll be ready for it. We’re not getting older, we’re getting better. Life will undoubtedly bring you a new adventure!

  3. Liz Kreger says:

    I agree with Michelle and Amy. “It” will make itself known when you least expect it. I sometimes have that feeling that there is something more that I should be doing, but don’t know what. I have a family I love, a daughter I adore, a job I still enjoy after 20 years of working at the same firm, crappy health … but manageable. 😕 I have two books published, four more written (in dire need of editing) and another one nearly finished.

    So I feel like I’ve accomplished quite a bit in my life. But, yes, it does feel like there is somethimg more that should be accomplished. If you figure out “it” let me know.

  4. I wish I knew the answer for you. Usually when I get antsy like that, I rearrange furniture and it goes away for a while. But you’re a more active person than I am. Maybe if you gave yourself something big to arrange – like a charity event or a writing conference – it would take your mind off whatever’s bothering you. Because it’s like your husband said – you need to focus on something else and the answer will come. :hugs:
    B.E. Sanderson`s last blog was …Former Friends and Old Lovers

  5. Amy Remus says:

    Oh, yes, I do feel like that. Sometimes I think I personally miss what is going on around me because I am waiting for that next big thing to come and tell me what I am supposed to do/be. I don’t always live in the moment, so I am trying to do that. I need to do the best/be the best I am right now and let it come. I wish there was a place to go or a book to read that could tell you what “it” is. Hang in there!

  6. I think you’re doing all you can. Questioning, seeking, and reflecting on all the wonderful things you have in life. Oh, and writing, of course! Hugs, V

  7. Edie Ramer says:

    Karin, you’ve had huge changes in your life. I agree that you’re ready for something more, and it will come. When it does, you’ll know it.

    On that subject, my sister and a friend are both taking intensive yoga classes. Not that I think it’s what you need, but it’s what they need right now. And I’m discovering more about my body and staying healthy (I hope!). Plus, I’m writing a new series that’s ‘me,’ and feels really good. Now, if only I had more time…

    • Edie, I’m about ready to start yoga classes! I can’t wait. I’ve been wanting to for ages now (my agent convinced me I will LOVE it). I procrastinated b/c I was on crazy deadlines and I still am, but it’s not an excuse. I’m signing up!
      Karin* Tabke aka Harlow!`s last blog was …CAPA Winner!

      • Edie Ramer says:

        Yoga is a great way to center yourself – and to stretch your body. I don’t take classes anymore, but I do the yoga sun salutation every morning that helps start my day off right.

  8. Cynthia Eden says:

    Wow, Karin, it sounds like you have had so many ups and downs. I think you just need to wait, relax, and see what comes your way. “It” may ring your doorbell very soon.
    Cynthia Eden`s last blog was …Summer Special: BOUND BY BLOOD is free!

  9. Misty Evans says:

    Karin, maybe all this reflecting and waiting IS what you need at this moment. I always feel like I should be doing more and it’s a hard mentality to break (unless I’m at that beach). Your spirit is ready for the next call to adventure…but maybe this adventure is all about finding you and what’s inside, rather than outside.

    I wished I lived closer. I’d bake and decorate a cake for you and we’d celebrate Karin. Nothing else. Just you, chica! Wouldn’t that be fun?

    And when you become Queen of the World, I hope I get to hang out at Court with you. 🙂

    • Misty, thank you! this may just be about me mself and I. I never thought of that.

      I wish you lived closer too! I’d let you bake me a cake and have an overindulging party with you and other Queens of the world!
      Karin* Tabke aka Harlow!`s last blog was …CAPA Winner!

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