There are very few people in the this world that I love the way I love Miz Josie Brown, so please, without further gushing, give her a warm Magical welcome!
I am a true believer that you manifest your own destiny.
So, why am I as blind as a bat, flat-footed, pigeon-toed, and grind my teeth?
“In all honesty, the skills you need to be a crackerjack CIA agent are the exact same ones that make a good mommy.
For example, recruiting spies from other foreign agencies is a lot like coercing your son to eat his vegetables: at first he may be reluctant, but as soon as you convince him that it is the quickest route to dessert, he’s ready to jump onboard.
Whereas surviving a prison camp takes the same mindset as enforcing a time-out: Instead of giving in, just tune out. Eventually the other side gives up.
As for losing a surveillance tail, I liken that to getting a toddler to take a nap: When the time comes, your best bet is to get her into a routine that makes her comfortably drowsy. Then, when she zones out, slip away.
Setting up a kill is a lot like planning a dinner party: attention to even the smallest of details guarantees its success.
And finally, in regard to pulling that trigger: I’ve yet to meet a man whose primal instincts match those of a mother trying to keep her child safe from danger.”
(So now you know: this is his first-date dive.)
Tip #2: Your dates always end early.
(Despite what he says, he really doesn’t need to get up early. He’s just moving onto the second shift booty call.)
Tip #3: He’s always text-messaging someone else when he’s with you.
(Can you spell “wife”?)
Tip #4: He doesn’t introduce you to family or friends.
(Because they know Wifey.)
Tip #5: He always making last-minute plans with you.
(I guess his other girlfriends are busy…)
Tip #6: He never stays the night.
(That’s because he’s got to get home….to his wife and children.)
3 Things to Do When You Find Out He’s a Douche
Thing #1: Leave him.
Thing #2: Don’t take him back.
Thing #3: If he insists, hosever, one ‘wooin’ again, make your intentions clear that you have no desire to have him in your life again by introducing him to a couple of your closest pals: Smith & Wesson.)
How about you? Have you ever dated a douche? If so, pass a long a tip or two here on how you figured this out!
Josie Brown is the author of twelve books, including four in The Housewife Assassin series, and three in the Totlandia series. One of her books,Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, will soon be a television show, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.
Josie, welcome to MM. What a fun post. The series sounds like it will be such fun to read. I imagine it’s been fun to write, too – most of the time, anyway! I’m going to check out your first book now.
Thanks, Edie! It’s an honor and a pleasure to be here! Hope you love my gal, Donna. She’s a lot like your gal, Katie: always up to something!
Josie Brown, author THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S HANDBOOK`s last blog was …BABY PLANNER CONTEST: Correct Entries
This series sounds awesome! It is so fun meeting new authors and learning about new books! Thanks for the book – I plan to download it now and read it. As for relationships…yes. I had one in high school who I had only been dating a week and he gave me the whole, “If you love me we should go all the way” thing. Well, I didn’t love him. I had only known him a week and agreed to go out with him because he was cute! He then tried to tell me that his mom would buy us condoms. Um, I wasn’t worried about condoms because I wasn’t going to do THAT with him. So, when he realized he wasn’t getting any from me he dumped me and moved on to someone who would give him what he wanted. I think I only cried over him for about an hour.
Amy R`s last blog was …Review & Giveaway: Daughter of the Sky by Michelle Diener
You’re right, Amy! What a douche HE turned out to be. But obviously you were one smart teen, and saw it immediately.
We pray our daughters are all as savvy as we are, don’t we?
Hi Josie, it’s great to see you here. I love your voice. Donna sounds awesome! I’m intrigued by the little snippet here. Now, I want to see what else is going on in her world.
Peace and love,
Paula R.
I much appreciate your kind words, Paula. I hope you love what you read. She’s been a joy to write, and there is a lot more of her to come.
Hi there,
Welcome to MM! I never got as far as dating this douche – not after he told me he was available to ‘service’ my needs on Tuesdays and Thursdays! I hit the brakes and ran the other way. lol.
The book sounds like a blast!
Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th
ROFLAMO, Dale! Whatta hoot! I hope you got to run over his foot!
Josie!!!!
.
It’s wonderful to see you here! Welcome to Magical Musings
And LOL about Donna’s dating advice — she sounds hilarious!! Where was she when I was single, hmm?!
Just have to say how much I *loved* Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives and am looking forward to more details on the TV show whenever you have ‘em!
Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAE is $0.99 This Week!
Thank you, Marilyn! I’m always in awe of you, so I’m honored for you to say so! And It’s ALWAYS a joy to run into you online! We’re waiting to hear now where SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES will end up on NBC’s schedule, and when (this summer? Next fall? After the Winter Olympics 2014?) Whatta process! Whatta business! In the meantime, I keep my head down and keep scribbling away. xoxoxo 2 U, always, girl!
I love everything about this series. EVERYTHING!
Karin Tabke`s last blog was …CAPA Winner!
Well, K-Tab, if it weren’t for you, this would not be a series to begin with.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for believing in THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S HANDBOOK.
An thanks for one of the dearest friendships in my life.
U complete me,
xxxxxxxxx Josie