There are very few people in the this world that I love the way I love Miz Josie Brown, so please, without further gushing, give her a warm Magical welcome!
I am a true believer that you manifest your own destiny.
So, why am I as blind as a bat, flat-footed, pigeon-toed, and grind my teeth?
“In all honesty, the skills you need to be a crackerjack CIA agent are the exact same ones that make a good mommy.
For example, recruiting spies from other foreign agencies is a lot like coercing your son to eat his vegetables: at first he may be reluctant, but as soon as you convince him that it is the quickest route to dessert, he’s ready to jump onboard.
Whereas surviving a prison camp takes the same mindset as enforcing a time-out: Instead of giving in, just tune out. Eventually the other side gives up.
As for losing a surveillance tail, I liken that to getting a toddler to take a nap: When the time comes, your best bet is to get her into a routine that makes her comfortably drowsy. Then, when she zones out, slip away.
Setting up a kill is a lot like planning a dinner party: attention to even the smallest of details guarantees its success.
And finally, in regard to pulling that trigger: I’ve yet to meet a man whose primal instincts match those of a mother trying to keep her child safe from danger.”
(So now you know: this is his first-date dive.)
Tip #2: Your dates always end early.
(Despite what he says, he really doesn’t need to get up early. He’s just moving onto the second shift booty call.)
Tip #3: He’s always text-messaging someone else when he’s with you.
(Can you spell “wife”?)
Tip #4: He doesn’t introduce you to family or friends.
(Because they know Wifey.)
Tip #5: He always making last-minute plans with you.
(I guess his other girlfriends are busy…)
Tip #6: He never stays the night.
(That’s because he’s got to get home….to his wife and children.)
3 Things to Do When You Find Out He’s a Douche
Thing #1: Leave him.
Thing #2: Don’t take him back.
Thing #3: If he insists, hosever, one ‘wooin’ again, make your intentions clear that you have no desire to have him in your life again by introducing him to a couple of your closest pals: Smith & Wesson.)
How about you? Have you ever dated a douche? If so, pass a long a tip or two here on how you figured this out!
Josie Brown is the author of twelve books, including four in The Housewife Assassin series, and three in the Totlandia series. One of her books,Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, will soon be a television show, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.