An Assassin’s Survival Guide…

There are very few people in the this world that I love the way I love Miz Josie Brown, so please, without further gushing, give her a warm Magical welcome!


I am a true believer that you manifest your own destiny.

So, why am I as blind as a bat, flat-footed, pigeon-toed, and grind my teeth?
On the other hand, this belief is probably why I’m a novelist today.
I also claim it’s why I ended up with my husband. After dating a few losers, I said to myself, Why can’t a find a guy who has a great sense of humor, is a Yankee–” (I’m a girl from the South) “–and knows show tunes?”
Voila! The Hub appeared in my life.
Another way in which I feel I willed myself onto the path I’m on now was all the Dear Abby columns I read as a kid. I remember saying to myself, “Heck, I knew that. I could be her…”
And I was…sort of.
As a journalist, I had the good fortune of  creating, and editing, relationship advice guru John Gray’s column for the Los Angeles Times  and Creators syndicates. As such, I fielded readers’ questions and presented them to John for answers. If he asked my opinion (sometimes he felt the question needed a woman’s touch), I certainly put in my two cents.
Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but some relationships are out of this world. Trust me, I was privy to all sorts of lovelorn and lust.
Believe it or not, editing a relationship advice column was a great training ground for the writing The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook romantic suspense series, too. It gave grit to the personality of my heroine, Donna Stone, a housewife who was oblivious to the true personality of her husband. He lived a secret life,which wasn’t exposed to her until after his death, when she found out that he was an assassin for a black ops organization. Now faced with no income and the care and feeding of three kids, she plays to her strengths:
She, too becomes an assassin.
Between carpooling. 
It’s just an extreme form of multitasking, right?
Or as Donna explains it:

“In all honesty, the skills you need to be a crackerjack CIA agent are the exact same ones that make a good mommy.

For example, recruiting spies from other foreign agencies is a lot like coercing your son to eat his vegetables: at first he may be reluctant, but as soon as you convince him that it is the quickest route to dessert, he’s ready to jump onboard.


Whereas surviving a prison camp takes the same mindset as enforcing a time-out: Instead of giving in, just tune out. Eventually the other side gives up.


As for losing a surveillance tail, I liken that to getting a toddler to take a nap: When the time comes, your best bet is to get her into a routine that makes her comfortably drowsy. Then, when she zones out, slip away.


Setting up a kill is a lot like planning a dinner party: attention to even the smallest of details guarantees its success.

And finally, in regard to pulling that trigger: I’ve yet to meet a man whose primal instincts match those of a mother trying to keep her child safe from danger.”

The fourth book in the series, The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide, will be out by April 1st. To celebrate, the price for the first book in the series is priced at only 99 cents. Give it a try. If you like it, let me know.
Like all the Housewife Assassin books, each chapter begins with a handy tip: in this case, it’s Donna’s take on dating.
Here’s a few for you:
6 Tips You’re Dating a Douche 
Tip #1: The waiter notices that you’re not the girl he came in with-last night.
(So now you know: this is his first-date dive.)

Tip #2:
 Your dates always end early.
(Despite what he says, he really doesn’t need to get up early. He’s just moving onto the second shift booty call.)

Tip #3: He’s always text-messaging someone else when he’s with you.
(Can you spell “wife”?)

Tip #4: He doesn’t introduce you to family or friends.
(Because they know Wifey.)

Tip #5: He always making last-minute plans with you.
(I guess his other girlfriends are busy…)

Tip #6: He never stays the night.
(That’s because he’s got to get home….to his wife and children.)

3 Things to Do When You Find Out He’s a Douche

Thing #1: Leave him.

Thing #2: Don’t take him back.

Thing #3:  If he insists, hosever, one ‘wooin’ again,  make your intentions clear that you have no desire to have him in your life again by introducing him to a couple of your closest pals: Smith & Wesson.)

How about you? Have you ever dated a douche? If so, pass a long a tip or two here on how you figured this out!

— Josie

Josie Brown is the author of twelve books, including four in The Housewife Assassin series, and three in the Totlandia series. One of her books,Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives, will soon be a television show, produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

About Karin Tabke aka Karin Harlow

Award winning author Karin Tabke isn’t just another author with steamy stories to tell, but a cop’s wife who has “seen it all and heard it all.” Karin also writes paranormal romance as Karin Harlow with her L.O.S.T. series hailed as paranormal romantic suspense at its “chilling and sizzling” best.
This entry was posted in Guest Posts. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to An Assassin’s Survival Guide…

  1. Edie Ramer says:

    Josie, welcome to MM. What a fun post. The series sounds like it will be such fun to read. I imagine it’s been fun to write, too – most of the time, anyway! I’m going to check out your first book now. 🙂

  2. Amy R says:

    This series sounds awesome! It is so fun meeting new authors and learning about new books! Thanks for the book – I plan to download it now and read it. As for relationships…yes. I had one in high school who I had only been dating a week and he gave me the whole, “If you love me we should go all the way” thing. Well, I didn’t love him. I had only known him a week and agreed to go out with him because he was cute! He then tried to tell me that his mom would buy us condoms. Um, I wasn’t worried about condoms because I wasn’t going to do THAT with him. So, when he realized he wasn’t getting any from me he dumped me and moved on to someone who would give him what he wanted. I think I only cried over him for about an hour.
    Amy R`s last blog was …Review & Giveaway: Daughter of the Sky by Michelle Diener

  3. Paula R. says:

    Hi Josie, it’s great to see you here. I love your voice. Donna sounds awesome! I’m intrigued by the little snippet here. Now, I want to see what else is going on in her world.

    Peace and love,
    Paula R.

  4. I much appreciate your kind words, Paula. I hope you love what you read. She’s been a joy to write, and there is a lot more of her to come.

    🙂 Josie

  5. Dale Mayer says:

    Hi there,

    Welcome to MM! I never got as far as dating this douche – not after he told me he was available to ‘service’ my needs on Tuesdays and Thursdays! I hit the brakes and ran the other way. lol.

    The book sounds like a blast!
    Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th

  6. Josie!!!!
    It’s wonderful to see you here! Welcome to Magical Musings ;).
    And LOL about Donna’s dating advice — she sounds hilarious!! Where was she when I was single, hmm?!
    Just have to say how much I *loved* Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives and am looking forward to more details on the TV show whenever you have ’em!
    Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAE is $0.99 This Week!

    • Thank you, Marilyn! I’m always in awe of you, so I’m honored for you to say so! And It’s ALWAYS a joy to run into you online! We’re waiting to hear now where SECRET LIVES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES will end up on NBC’s schedule, and when (this summer? Next fall? After the Winter Olympics 2014?) Whatta process! Whatta business! In the meantime, I keep my head down and keep scribbling away. xoxoxo 2 U, always, girl!

      😎 Josie

  7. Karin Tabke says:

    I love everything about this series. EVERYTHING!
    Karin Tabke`s last blog was …CAPA Winner!

Comments are closed.