In a state of flux…

Life is sometimes ordered and routine. You know what’s going to happen on a day to day basis and can see continuity down the months and years ahead of you. Sure there are hiccups – some of them pleasant and some not so pleasant.

In the last 5 plus years, I’ve been complacent. I work hard, look after my family and kept my head down. But when I raised my head and took a look around recently, I realized the landscape had changed. Some aspects of my life are going to continue. Well the hard work sure will πŸ™‚ and I will still look after my family, but…my children are growing up. In fact the oldest 2 are young adults ready to fly the roost.

My oldest son is in position to get a lovely career job that he’s been working towards for years. Even if he doesn’t get it, he will still – most likely – move out this summer. It’s time. He’s got his degree, he has a girlfriend and now needs his own place. Independence. Freedom for both him and me?

raking the lawnIt won’t be easy on me. Even though I have three other children coming up behind him (in fact son #2 is likely to move out on Son #1’s heels). And it will bring about change in a lot of areas. Β With 2 sons moving out, my house is too big and requires too much work to maintain. And if I’m selling my house and moving…where do I go? Do I want a house again even?Β moving

One son is moving an hour south and the other 2.5 hours north. My elderly parents are 15 minutes away. I have some freedom with 2 kids moving out – but my parents are becoming more dependant as time moves on. Do I move or don’t I? Part of me wants to move a long ways away! But the responsible part says I can’t.

It’s the same for my writing. I’m completing one YA series (Design series) and will in the fall, complete the other YA (Family Blood Ties) series. The YAs, although I love writing them, don’t sell as well as my adult series. So do I write more YAs? Or move the age up slightly so they are NA – or just write adult books? Retirement is so not happening!

Blank signpostsThen there are the genres. I write in many genres, but have recently been wondering Dog readingabout becoming more focused on one or two. I like to write the stories that come to me, but wonder if I narrowed my focus, would I be more marketable? IΒ wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing? With the current state of publishing, is there even a ‘right’ answer?

See…it seems like I have more questions than answers. It’s not my normal state. Usually I’m decisive and proactive. Lately it seems I’m playing the waiting game instead. That’s not a place I’m comfortable with. I’m learning to be, but progress is slow! I’d rather make things happen than have them happen TO me. πŸ™‚

What areas in your life are in a state of flux? How do you handle them?

About Dale Mayer

Dale Mayer writes romantic suspense, with or without paranormal elements like TUESDAY'S CHILD (2011) and now young adult books in various genres like DANGEROUS DESIGNS (2011). Writing stabilizes her in a life gone wild! The other stabilizers? Cheesecake and her four cats! Of course, she's dreaming to think she'll get a piece cheesecake once her four kids find out she's been baking!
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16 Responses to In a state of flux…

  1. Edie Ramer says:

    Both my writing direction and my living area are in a state of flux. I’m planning on a new series and we plan on moving, though I don’t know when. Our income might be changing, too, but that’s mostly because of my husband’s job. Even our pets are changing. One dog died recently. Another is an older dog too. After she’s gone, we won’t get another one, not right away. We want to travel a bit.

    Good luck with all your changes!

  2. CateS says:

    If you’re ready to downsize, but still like your area… sell big place and get something smaller.. If you’re the only child of elderly parents… trust me.. you need to be close by. I spent the last 4 years of my mom’s life driving 3 hours one way to ensure her way of life, health needs, financial oversight, etc. I’m happy I was able to do it, but wished we could have been living closer.
    PS.. according to my mom, you need to be careful that you don’t end up as your children’s storage unit… She sold the big house & moved, held an auction after informing the 3 of us, “If it’s yours and you want it, come and get it before I sell it.” This was 35 years ago. It worked, too!

    • Dale Mayer says:

      Hi Catie,

      I’m the youngest of 4 and the only one within driving distance to my parents and the only one close to them emotionally. And I so agree with your mother’s caution on becoming a storage unit. My son is already saying he can’t possibly take is bike, book collection or winter tires with him to his new place!

      I can see how this is going to go… πŸ™‚
      Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th

  3. Dale,
    I can relate. Certainly, my husband and I have had a lot of new responsibilities and alterations in our routine over the past few years because of elderly parents — that is never easy — and I’ve been watching my son grow up (it happens so fast!), wondering how life will change here when we’re not focused so much on his schedule.
    Thinking of you and sending good wishes your way as you work though this new stage in your family life ;).
    Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …ON ANY GIVEN SUNDAE is $0.99 This Week!

  4. Liz Kreger says:

    I’m totally with Catie on the “make sure the kids take their stuff with ’em” attitude. I was looking for something yesterday and just realized what a packrat I was. I have stuff that should have been thrown out years ago. Informed hubby that a mass clearing was going to take place in the near future and he just rolled his eyes and muttered “thank God”.

    But … I gotta admit. I think I still have stuff in my mom’s attic. Really gotta get over there and clear it out. Downsizing isn’t a bad idea. Particularly if you’re able to tell kids who move out that you can no longer store their junk. πŸ˜‰

    As far as the older parents go … yeah, you gotta stay near. My in-laws are both in a nursing home and my mom is getting pretty frail. We’re fortunate to be within a half hour drive of all of them.

    • Dale Mayer says:

      Hi Liz,

      I can see that ‘stuff’ being an issue! I’m already seriously considering my option. It’s funny because my older son is going to have money issues to begin with so he’s going around the house asking for bits and pieces so he doesn’t have to buy anything. πŸ™‚

      Personally, he can have what he wants – within reason. lol. He says he’ll come back once a month to load up on pies!
      Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th

  5. Misty Evans says:

    Dale, I feel your pain.

    I live in the same town as my aging parents. My sister is no longer around to help. Every time the phone rings, I cringe, because there have been a lot of bad news calls lately.

    My kids are young adults in high school. They’re pulling away and becoming more independent at the same time my parents are relying more and more on me.

    I’m refocusing my writing career this year and concentrating more on RS again. The ebb and flow of genres and energy calling to me.

    Good luck with your choices. I hope this is a year that answers some of your questions.

    • Dale Mayer says:

      Hi Misty,

      There is really a cycle to this thing called life – isn’t there? It’s frustrating in a way. I hate to let go of my sons, but at the same time – freedom beckons. Only it’s not true freedom with ageing parents. I’m grateful that both parents are in good health at this time.

      I can see the next few years will bring many challenges as my parents age more and my last two kids grow up!

      Here’s to facing what hits us both with grace!
      Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th

  6. Amy Atwell says:

    I feel like I’ve been stalled for a few years, but I dubbed 2013 as “the year of living dangerously.” My husband and I are traveling more, fixing things around the home, and it feels really good to get things done. However, I haven’t contemplated moving.

    Good luck with the transition, Dale. I know it will be tough, but I also know you’ve been a great mom, and Son #1 is ready to step out of the nest. And hey, if you ever want to bag all that winter and move to Florida, well, I’m just sayin’…..
    Amy Atwell`s last blog was …Favorite Christmas Stories

  7. Lori says:

    My career is actually where I’ve always wanted it and it seems to keep getting better. My issue is more my home life. I’m living somewhere I don’t want to live and its going on 4 years. So I feel very stuck, very much like time is just ticking by and wasting and its driving me nuts!

  8. Dale Mayer says:

    Hi Lori,

    Ugh on the living issue. I have a similar problem with my house. I’m okay with the location – maybe. I don’t love but I don’t hate it. I do hate my house! lol.

    Hopefully you can find a solution soon!
    Dale Mayer`s last blog was …Touched by Death – free on the 26th and 27th

  9. Good luck, Dale. It would be hard to say goodbye to son #1, I imagine, but you must be proud of him, taking that step to independence.

    My husband and I are finally talking about knocking down the old house we live in and rebuilding. This is going to be a huge commitment in so many ways. Ugh. Including moving into a rental while we build.

    Now we’re on the cusp of doing it, we are suddenly facing all the issues and it somehow doesn’t look so appealing, any more. πŸ™‚
    Michelle Diener`s last blog was …Release Day for Daughter of the Sky

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