Why Can’t a Man Be More Like a Woman?

You’re probably familiar with the above song from “My Fair Lady.” Well, I’d like to know the opposite. On a Yahoo author loop, a male writer recently said that since he was writing a book with romance, he’d decided to read a few books in the genre. When he did, he thought, Men don’t think like this.

I’m not sure what he meant, except perhaps that men don’t think about emotions. Especially not from all the angles that women think about them. I’m sure they feel them, but they would rather jab a tree branch through their foot than think about them.

This bothers me. As a writer, I should know what men think so my books will feel authentic. I’ve read books on the differences between men and women. They helped me with men’s speech patterns and body language, but not their thoughts.

Years ago, my husband was once staring into the air, and I asked what he was thinking. “Nothing,” he said. I replied, “You have to think about something.” He said, “No. Nothing.”

The only time my mind is that blank is after I’ve cleaned out half the brownie pan, and I’m in a sugar coma.

So, if you’re a man, do you think about your feelings? Not physical feelings, but emotional.

And if you’re a woman, what’s your opinion on men’s thoughts?

(By the way, I just asked my husband if he ever thinks about emotions. He said, “Yes.” I asked what he thought about them, and he said “I don’t know, but I have thought about them.” Then he hurried away… Obviously not a conversation he wanted to continue.)

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13 Responses to Why Can’t a Man Be More Like a Woman?

  1. Pingback: Mo's Heart Cover - Edie Ramer

  2. LOL on your husband running scared, Edie!

    I’m sure mine would, too 🙂
    Michelle Diener`s last blog was …Virtual Book Tour for Daughter of the Sky

  3. Misty Evans says:

    Edie, that’s too funny. I have three males in my house and they absolutely do NOT talk about emotional feelings. I know they think about them once in awhile but the rule must be never to talk about them. From an author’s perspective, writing the male POV is one of my favorite things to do!

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Misty, I actually enjoy writing my heroes, especially when they’re madly in love with the heroine. I hope I make them still seem like a guy. lol

  4. Dale Mayer says:

    My oldest son and I often joke about his ‘nothing’ box. Like you, I asked him years ago what he was thinking, and he said – nothing. I didn’t understand it then, and I don’t now. My mind zips around in a frenzy all the time. Apparently, his sits in an empty room and does…nothing!

    Like go figure. 🙂
    Dale Mayer`s last blog was …And a whole new beginning!

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Dale, love that ‘nothing’ box. lol I’d love to have one of those. I try to meditate, and I have to do it right away in the morning, otherwise my mind is zipping like crazy, too.

  5. Edie,
    My husband would much rather not get into any deep discussions about his emotions either ;).
    However, I will say that my son can’t get enough of those kinds of conversations. Maybe it’s a function of his age and his personality — there’s a lot to process as a teen and, as an extravert, he does most of his processing by talking. So, it’s been interesting to me to hear him express some of his thoughts, dreams and fears.
    And LOL about the sugar coma from the brownies! Yeah…that and a Ben & Jerry’s overdose are about the only things that blank out my mind, too!!
    Marilyn Brant`s last blog was …A Visit with Samantha Wilde

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Marilyn, I was just thinking I should ask my son about his emotions. He’s more open than his father, though we’ve never had a conversation about feelings.

      How cool that you have your son’s insights. I bet that helps you with your writing, but even without that, it’s great that you two talk about all those subjects.

      It’s been too long since I had a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Now I’m hungry for some.

  6. Edie,

    Here’s my take having lived with too many men all my life…Got your attention yet?

    By that I mean 3 brothers plus my dad when I was a child. Two husbands, one never would talk about emotions. Number 2 is much better (learned the first time). Four sons, no daughters. Seven nephews, only 2 nieces. 1 grandson. 5 great-nephews and 3 great nieces.

    On the whole, the older generation males don’t talk about emotions. If they feel really deeply about them, maybe once or twice to a woman they trust, they might discuss the E word issue when all else fails. My nephews are much better at that. I think because we women in their lives were changing and that prompted different behaviors or they wouldn’t survive. But that’s only my theory. I think men will only open up on emotions when they truly trust the person they are opening up to. And that’s extremely difficult for men over 55 unless they’ve gone through something that’s forced them to open up.
    Casey Clifford`s last blog was …Anniversary Trip Inspiration

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Casey, I agree. The two men near my age who do talk openly about emotions are gay. Otherwise the straight men I know are more likely to talk about sports or the weather, or something like that.

      I just asked my son. He said he thinks about emotions, but he doesn’t brood about anything. But I have to say that’s his personality, and he takes after me that way.

      I don’t think my husband ever talks about his emotions. Maybe if I bring it up first… But even them, he shuts down. Sigh. I told my son his wife if lucky. But of course, he’s lucky to have her, too.

  7. Amy Atwell says:

    Edie, I laughed when you said the only time your mind is blank is when you’re on a brownie sugar high. Maybe that’s why I crave chocolate–just trying to slow down the brain activity.

    I’ve also encountered the wall that men often build around their emotions. Getting my dad to say the words, “I love you,” was like pulling teeth. Not that he didn’t love us kids (well, I think he loved us most of the time, when we weren’t raising hell or costing him a fortune), but to say it out loud was like learning a foreign language to him.

    I hope that younger generations are better at it. I think we’re building a society where women can be strong leaders and men can share their emotions. I think it’s a healthier world for it!
    Amy Atwell`s last blog was …Villains We Love To Hate

    • Edie Ramer says:

      Amy, I hope the younger generations are better. I know my son and his wife are better parents than my husband and I are. And my son does say he loves me, at least. (We end every conversation with “Love you.”) I’m sure he must tell his son often. But it’s something my husband doesn’t do as often.

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