Guest blogger: Amy Atwell
August 20th, 2008 by Michelle Diener
Thanks to the Magical Musings team for inviting me back to discuss my writing journey. I hope my story inspires others, especially those who are stalled, struggling, or hide a closet full of doubts.
BELIEVE
Hi, my name is Amy, and I’m a Pisces.
Yeah, okay, I know you were all waiting to tune into the blog today for THAT piece of writing nirvana. But this is important. Each zodiac sign has a key phrase that defines it.
Pisces are defined by the phrase, “I believe.”
Take a moment to consider the strength of those two words. They’re the basis of hope. They sustain us through every effort we undertake.
Because if we don’t believe, why should we try to do anything?
I began writing seriously in 2000, but I’d had a rough time of it since my mother passed away suddenly in 2005. In spring 2007, I made the commitment to start writing again. Really. Just as soon as I could clear some time. To reinforce my renewed desire, I surrounded myself with positive quotes. Writer J.M. Sabel sent me a great one: “At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist us.” –Goethe
I was primed. I thought about all the things I would write. I imagined myself at the computer, typing away. The actual fiction writing would start any day. I couldn’t wait to start. Yet, words didn’t come.
That July, our 14-year-old cat passed away. I was devastated. Losing Banjo was a gut-wrenching reminder of losing my mom. But, tough as it was, Banjo’s death helped me pinpoint WHY I’d stopped writing. Since my mother’s death, I was afraid to try, afraid to hope, afraid to believe.
And then it struck me: At 44 years old, was I ready to surrender all my dreams? Was I going to slog through the rest of my years being satisfied with mere existence? How could I face looking back over my life thinking, “Golly, I really wish I’d tried writing one more time.” And somewhere within me, I found the strength to believe in possibility again. Because if failure was possible, it meant success was also possible.
I returned to that Goethe quote and thought specifically, “I want to love writing again. Help me.” Feeling rather positive, I printed the quote and posted it on my computer where I could look at it daily.
During the fall, I took what steps I thought would improve my writing ability. I signed up for online writing classes, entered writing contests, reconnected with my critique partners, and I dropped close to 20 Yahoo loops to downsize my writing world to a close-knit circle of contacts.
Mind you, I run three (soon to be four) goals loops with nearly 150 participants. These loops generate a lot of email, and require significant time and effort on my part. But the people on these loops are the ones who buoyed me through my darkest times, who believed in my talent and drive when I felt both had deserted me. Because I realized they were a vital part of my writing identity, I quit worrying about the time and effort spent. Here was one thing I was doing that felt like I was making a difference–maybe not for myself, but for other writers. Their successes became my successes.
They also make me laugh. Never underestimate the power of laughter.
In January 2008, I took an online course taught by the amazing Margie Lawson: “Defeating Self-Defeating Behaviors.” The course was time-consuming, soul-searching, and hard. With the help of a classmate, I spent hours on the homework exercises, peeling back the behaviors that undermined me and envisioning my potential. Before, I had thought success in general was possible. Now, I began to believe my success was possible.
Remember that Goethe quote? I feared the universe had abandoned me. Still, I kept doing what I could. Critiquing for others, running the goals loops, writing those 100 words per day. By the end of February, I’d renewed work on a barely started manuscript. Lo and behold, I was writing a new story, and it was good. I was having FUN writing.
Then the tide turned. I started to get calls from contest coordinators. Not one or two, but over a dozen. Of 19 individual contest entries I sent out between Oct. 2007 and June 2008, I finaled or placed with 14. One of those entries was a 2008 Golden Heart® finalist. The overwhelming contest success led one of my critique partners to mention me to her literary agent, Kevan Lyon. Kevan offered to look over my various manuscripts. Scared to death, but willing to try, I sent her four partials.
She loved them. Oh, they weren’t perfect, we’re still working on that. But she recognized my talent and loved my characters, and she believes in me so much, she signed me as a client last month.
Okay, here’s the magic moment. One Margie Lawson assignment had us write a list of “miracles,” or things we wanted to happen with our writing careers. Things that seemed impossible at the moment. I chose a notebook I’d found among my mom’s belongings, wrote my miracles and set it aside. Frankly, with all I’ve had going on the past few months, I didn’t even think about it.
The other day, I reviewed the pages. And here are two of the miracles I wrote last winter:
“Wouldn’t it be a miracle if I finaled in the G.H.”
“Wouldn’t it be a miracle if I impressed Kevan Lyon so much that she offered representation.”
Goethe knew his stuff. The universe had conspired to assist me. Yeah, there was a little lag time, but I think the universe was waiting for me to find the strength to believe in myself and to confront my fears of failure and try. Frankly, if all these little successes had piled on me a year ago, I couldn’t have handled it. Now, I’m able to embrace the challenge, and I look forward to taking it to the next level.
To all of you out there struggling, I’ve been there. When events or situations in our lives stop our writing, it can take months to turn it back around. If you don’t have a positive support network, find one. My experience over the past two years has taught me how valuable it is to “pay it forward,” and I intend to do just that in any small way I can.
Remember, Pisces or not, your potential starts with two words: I believe.
57 Responses to “Guest blogger: Amy Atwell”
What a lovely story, Amy! I firmly believe the universe reflects back to us what we put out, and that’s particularly the case when we do something simply because it’s the right thing to do, not in hopes of reward.
Helping those other people with their careers opened up opportunities for you. The universe gave back to you the energy you put out. It doesn’t always come back in exactly the same form, but it’s recognizable nonetheless.
Congratulations.
Thanks, Lynne. You’re right, it’s that classic adage, “what goes around, comes around,” or the equally classic “do unto others” we were all taught as kids.
I worry now that I’ve recognized this karma or whatever that I might mess it up simply by being conscious of it. Sort of like peeling back the curtain and revealing the Great and Wonderful OZ reduced him to the status of a mere mortal who could do little but point out the obvious.
Although, sometimes, we need to have the obvious pointed out to us. After all, Dorothy discovered she’d had the power to succeed and attain her most heartfelt goals all along.
I like to think the universe simply reflects the power we have within us. We just need an impetus to believe in it–and often that comes through helping others.
–Amy
Amy, this is a wonderful blog! I keep holding on to my belief in myself, but the universe is taking longer to answer than I’d hoped or expected. Stories like yours inspire me in my journey.
Hmmm…I tried to post a comment and apparently the ether hadn’t had its breakfast yet.
Trying again.
This was such an inspirational way to start my morning! Thank you, Amy. I really believe that most (if not all) of the writers who succeed, had a breakthrough moment (or months, in my case, but who’s counting?) where they realized they needed to OWN their dreams and make them happen.
I’m a big fan of positive thinking and statements of success.
I’m so blessed to know you and I’m sure your mother is incredibly proud of you!
BTW, what’s the “phrase” for a Capricorn? I’ve never heard that each sign had a specific phrase to describe it. With my luck, mine is “anal-retentive”…
You wrote this for me, right?
I’ve been struggling myself, trying to figure who and what I am as a writer. It’s hard. It’s devastating. It’s scary. You touched on everything I’ve been feeling over the last six (yes, six) months.
You finaled (and was the overall winner) in the Winter Rose and I think I got to be one of those folks who called you. Or at least emailed you. Congratulations on all your successes. You deserve them.
What a wonderful post, Amy! Thanks for sharing the story with us, and I couldn’t agree more about surrounding ourselves with positive/supportive people. It makes such a huge difference. That’s why, even if I find the need to abandon all the promo/chat groups I’m a member of, I will cling to the goals group where we share our accomplishments and setbacks, and where we ride those waves together.
Edie,
I know that feeling all too well. I printed that Goethe quote in COLOR and cut it out in a fluffy little cloud shape as if that would speed up divine intervention or whatever. LOL You have no many times I looked at it and thought, “That Goethe, what a LIAR.”
But I also have another reminder on my computer: I AM DILIGENT. Now, I’m not really diligent, but I believe that’s an important attribute of a prolific, published author, which is my long-term goal. So, I’d spend another day, trying to be diligent, even if the universe was ignoring me.
Have patience. It will come at the right time for YOU.
C.J.,
I’m generally a very positive person, but I’ll admit, grief over my mom really depressed me. I probably should have sought professional help, but this was my first time dealing with loss on this scale, so how was I supposed to recognize the lack of interest as depression?
Fortunately, I had good friends in my fellow writers, and those women (and a few men!) pulled me through and got me motivated again.
As for Capricorns: I USE. This refers to “the compulsion to acknowledge the necessity of being practical.” Yeah, I guess that might equate to anal-retentive.
One of the most fascinating characterization books I own is LOVE SIGNS by Linda Goodman. It’s a wonderful astrology book first published in 1978, I bought a paperback edition of it a few years ago for $18. It breaks down each astrological sign’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to building a loving relationship. It then goes on to show the combinations of what happens when, say, a Capricorn and a Pisces hook up. It’s FASCINATING.
Oh, I have to ask. What’s the phrase for Aries?
Michelle,
I *did* write this for you–even if I didn’t know you needed it. Sorry to hear about all the soul-searching. It feels so dark and lonely while you’re in the midst of it, but there will be sunshine on the far side.
And thanks for holding my hand through the Winter Rose. You must have been the one I emailed my initial entries to (Michelle helped me when my formatting got all goofy, and let me resend about 3 times–without her, I never would have succeeded in entering, much less winning!).
May things look up soon, and if you ever need to reach out, email me. You can find my addy on my website. http://www.amyatwell.com
Thanks, Wendi.
The GIAM loops are amazingly supportive. I think it’s driven by people showing up each week and recounting what they’re working on, what they accomplished, what setbacks they faced, etc. We bond on a more personal level because we’re so focused on our workloads and challenges.
I’m so glad you’ve found GIAM to be helpful and supportive in your writing career. You’re rocking with your recent releases.
Lynne,
Aries is I AM. On the Zodiac calendar, Aries is the first sign, the newborn, so it proclaims that it is here, now.
Amy, absolutely beautiful! For everyone traveling this writer journey, we see and feel what you’re saying. I loved that you acknowledged the timing of your successes. I, too, have recognized that things happen in the perfect time, not always “our” time.
I wish you much success on your journey!
And thanks for generating positive energy today, it’s the only one that truly aides us.
Wonderful blog, Amy!
I love how karma, the universe, positive thoughts, or whatever helps us through the tough times, turns around and shines its light on us. The tough part is wondering when it will happen.
You realize you should just type in the zodiac list, don’t you? How about Virgo? Is it I VIRGIN?
Margaret
Thanks, Amy. I truly appreciate it! Don’t be surprised if you hear from me. hehe
I was that one – I’m the electronic coordinator and will be again for the next contest.
I try very hard to make sure our entrants get entered and everything goes smoothly.
LaDonna,
Thanks! You know, the timing thing only struck me recently. I asked myself why I’d never had this sort of contest success before. Then I realized I’d never felt confident enough to put myself out there on the contest circuit to such an extent. The crazy thing was, last winter I didn’t feel like I was forcing myself to move forward. It just felt RIGHT.
I’m intrigued by Eastern philosophies–Zen and Taoism. I recently reread a book I found oddly inspiring: The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff. It’s easy reading, but he explains Taoism using Winnie the Pooh. The most basic premise is that you go with the flow, the rhythm of life. People waste a lot of energy trying to FORCE things to happen when it’s just not natural.
Margaret,
“To everything there is a season.” Man, am I full of all these lessons from our childhood, or what? But it’s true, life will happen around, over and through you. We all have the choice to run WITH it or AGAINST it.
Some people are determined to make life harder than it needs to be. Avoid them at all costs.
And congrats, Margaret, on your own recent shining moment (she double finaled in a contest recently–her first and second! contest finals!).
Oh, I’ll do the Zodiac list next. Let me see if I can find an online resource for people to use.
Zodiac Key Phrases–each sign has a simple defining phrase. You can see the whole list (along with brief paragraphs about the attributes of people born under each sign) at: http://www.venusastrology.com/zodiac.html
Disclaimer–this was the first site I came upon that had the info in short, easy to access paragraphs. My Love Signs book (by Linda Goodman, not by me!) is 900 pages.
For those who hate following weblinks:
Aries: I am
Taurus: I have
Gemini: I think
Cancer: I feel
Leo: I will
Virgo: I analyze
Libra: I balance
Scorpio: I desire
Sagittarius: I see
Capricorn: I use
Aquarius: I know
Pisces: I believe
What a truly inspirational blog! This will be printed and posted on my writing wall. Thank you for helping me see that the light at the end of my tunnel is not an oncoming train.
Best wishes for great success with all your stories.
No, Michelle, she wrote it for me
Seriously, knowing Amy she wrote it for all of us. Amy, I’ve always loved Judy’s quote. The universe is conspiring against you, but in the most positive ways it knows how. Thanks for sharing your pain, your accomplishments and the path that led you back to the writing world. Magical Musing, and Edie, wonderful foresight to ask Amy to blog. Keep the inspiration coming!
Very inspirational, Amy! Thanks for sharing. I *love* the Goethe quote! My phrase is “I analyze.” Hmm, maybe this is why I keep looking at my revisions and thinking they aren’t good enough and could be better.
I need to get by the analytical part of me just now.
What a wonderful post, Amy. The GIAM’ers all love you for what you have done with the groups. Each of us has found a network of people who believe in us, because you believed you could make it happen first. Thank you.
I believe things changed for me when I stopped whining that I had no ‘me time’, and just took it and left the family to adjust around me for a change. When I demanded me time I received it. When I demanded to be left alone to write, I was. We need to reach out with both hands and hold on tight to what we want. No one is going to hand it to us.
Amy…I’m just so proud of you! I’m glad to be your friend and can not wait to read some PUBLISHED work! As long as I’ve known you, I’ve always enjoyed your writing. Way to go!!!
Amy,
This is so inspiring. I went through something similar. Started in 2000, went through the deaths of both my mom and my beloved cat. My husband had a health crisis. Yet as each year has gone by, I’ve grown stronger. The people who’ve helped me along the journey have become true friends. I like to think I return the favor to these wonderful people who’re always there when I need it most. *smile*
Congrats on all of your success. It’s just the beginning.
And THANKS for all you do! The GIAM loop has been such a foundation for me whenever those Cold Winds Blow….
Smiles to you,
Chiron
PS… Sagittarius… I see… *grin*
Amy, what a beautiful post. The part about your miracles actually coming true gave me chills. Would you mind writing down “It would be a miracle if Anne won the lottery?”
I love the Goethe quote too. In your case, there should be a LOT of good karma in the universe making wonderful things happen for you.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Anne
Diane,
Glad I could help. I know you’ve gone through a tough time recently, but I swear that light is NOT an oncoming train. It is pure sunshine. At first, it can be painful, and you might even feel guilty enjoying it–like somehow, you don’t deserve it. Rest assured, you do. BTW, Karen asked about you yesterday. Email her–she’d love to hear what’s going on.
Donnell,
Um, yeah, I wrote it for you, too! (Heavens, I had no idea so many people I knew actually NEEDED this blog!)
The truth is, I started that first GIAM loop back in 2004–selfishly, I might add. I wanted to try to write a book in a month, so I invited other writers who wanted to try to accomplish a goal that month to join with me. But after a month, we discovered we were all really humming, that the energy created by touching base weekly and sharing our progress (I don’t say compare because it’s never a competition) fed all of us and increased our productivity.
My mother died 7 months later, and though I’d only known most of the women at GIAM for 7 months, they were the ones I sought out to buoy me. And oh, how they responded. Those loops kept me anchored in the writing world when it would have been awfully easy to drift away.
A lot of what I try to do now is because I want to pay back the help I received. When you’re inspired, you find you’re inspired to share!
Lynn,
Thanks for stopping by, Lynne. Yeah, I need to send my friend Judy a gift for introducing me to Goethe. He’s been a real sanity saver at times.
Hmm, Virgo, huh? Think of Queen Elizabeth I–filled with a life of stern responsibility and duty. Virgos analyze because they strive for perfection.
Perfection is exhausting, and remember, editors rarely want our characters to be perfect. Flaws are human. So polish that manuscript until it glistens, but know that even published authors believe their bestselling books have flaws.
Jill,
Good to see you here! Hey, and thanks for the Starbucks chat at National–it was totally fun to catch up with you.
And yes–you wanted the “me time” for a long while before you finally took charge and managed it. Maybe you unconsciously waited until your children were of an age to accept Mom’s time and support you with it. I’m so proud of you. So many women put themselves last–some do it ALL their lives. It’s okay to say, “Hey, I’m a player here, too, and I need some time to do what *I* want to do.” Brava to you for making it happen!
TheWeyrd1,
Golly–thanks for stopping by! (This is a friend who goes back…30? years–Yikes!)
You always composed such beautiful poetry and song lyrics. Creativity has so many forms (thank heavens, because if it were all about painting or sculpture, I’d be working a rote assembly line job somewhere), so many ways of expressing the human spirit.
Keep cranking on your journey, girlfriend!
Chiron,
Thanks for sharing. I don’t think I knew about your mom, though I’ve known for quite some time that you are an inspiration to know. (Chiron has a fab blog at http://chironokeefe.blogspot.com/ called The Write Soul.)
It is a hard truth that time does heal the heart, allows us to find ways to cope. Glad you think GIAM is helping you move forward.
Anne,
Hmm, I wonder if the miracle about Anne winning the lottery would negate that miracle I wrote about ME winning the lottery. (That one hasn’t happened yet–believe me, I’ll let you know!)
You said you got chills reading about the miracles–well, here’s the crazy part. I was reviewing my homework notebook with my class partner. This was maybe two months after we’d finished the class, but we feared we were already regressing, and needed to review and refresh ourself to continue to defeat our various self-defeating behaviors.
When I got to that page of miracles (which is nearly the last page in my notebook), I about fainted. I had NO memory of writing that stuff down. So, of course, now I worry–now that I’m conscious of it, will all the rest of the stuff in there NOT come true? (There’s some biggies in there, folks!) Just in case, I continue to add to it now and then. Because, well, MAYBE…
Thanks for stopping by!
What a great post! I believe that. I do think everything happens at the right time for writers, which is why the journey is so different for everyone.
I do wonder, though: what’s the key phrase for a Libra? “I’m not sure?”
What a fabulous post! Congratulations on all your wonderful accomplishments.
Oh, Amy, this is a kickass blog post. You had me at:
“Yeah, okay, I know you were all waiting to tune into the blog today for THAT piece of writing nirvana”
LMFAO! You rock!
I think it’s cool that you have found within your zodiac sign a symbol to define yourself. I’m an Aries, and even though that’s not really an “accomplishment,” I identify with my sun sign and it’s a strong personal symbol for me.
Wow, what an inspirational piece, Amy. I agree it is so hard to get back into the creative space and believe in yourself when life has knocked you back. And sometimes when good things happen all at once it can be challenging as well.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Spyscribbler,
You’re so right–the journey IS different for everyone, which is why it’s a waste of effort to compare our journeys and timelines to other writers.
As for Libra: I balance, or I weigh. Which, when you break it down, is a way of looking at a question from both sides. So “I’m not sure” is pretty close!
Thanks, Cynthia!
Zoe,
Thanks for the positive feedback–I’ve always wanted to have someone AT saying something. LOL
I think I first came across the Pisces “I believe” key phrase when I was about thirteen years old. It’s stuck with me ever since.
Glad you enjoyed the post. I can’t live without humor. (I lost my sense of humor once. It *wasn’t* pretty.)
Helen,
Thanks for stopping by! Yes, it can be scary when too many good things happen at once. If you’re not prepared to follow up, to take advantage of opportunities, it can cause you to withdraw from writing, from life.
That’s why I’m so grateful I held back and allowed myself some time to heal before I flung myself back into the writing arena. I was ready to face the knocks, but I’m glad I got kisses instead.
Congrats to you, BTW–Helen’s the American Title IV winner, and her winning title is due out from Dorchester next spring. (Spring? Late winter?)
Amy,
Thanks for sharing your lovely story with us. I lost my mother in 2004 and a soul-searching period of “WHAT are you waiting for?” followed. I’d like to think she has had something to do with all the great things that have happened to me in the last four years. Yesterday, I received my author copies of my debut novel, Line of Scrimmage. I plan to take one to her grave to make sure she knows we did it!
Another thing we have in common is that I signed with Kevan in June, and I agree that she is FABULOUS. I believe we met at her dinner in San Fran. Best wishes to you as you continue your inspirational journey!
Marie
Terrific post, Amy. Thank you for joining us here at MM. Your blog makes one think about our little positions here in the universe and what we’d like to accomplish. I’m a firm believer in Karma.
Wow, Amy. Your story gave me chills. I can’t imagine losing my mother unexpectedly like that. I love your quotes and how wonderful that you had written positive affirmations last winter that came true. Good for you, Amy. You are an inspiration. You can do it all. I believe!
Hi Marie! We must have met at dinner, too. I’m also very sorry for your loss. I’m sure your mother will appreciate you taking your book for her to see. That’s wonderful.
Hugs, Marie, on losing your mom. I’m SURE she’s been there, looking out for you.
Congrats on getting your author copies!! And how small a world is this? A friend of mine just submitted her sports-themed romance to SourceBooks, and she was so excited they were releasing YOUR title. I’m getting chills here–it’s like when all my subplots converge and I discover my book really DOES work! LOL
I’m sorry we didn’t have more of a chance to talk at dinner. I was on the bench seat between Starr and Laura Griffin–remind me, where were you (you can email me directly through my website)? I wish I’d had more time to chat that night, but you know, Golden Heart Awards and all… And seriously, how fast could I walk in that dress? LOL
Thanks for stopping by!
Liz,
Thanks for having me–it’s been a blast! And I’m so glad TS Fay didn’t rob me of my electrical power, though we’re expecting a blustery, rainy night.
You know, for me, it’s so important to hold onto dreams I want to accomplish. Back in 1999, at the tender age of 36, I took stock and wondered when I had started to accept that my daily life was MY LIFE. When had I stopped dreaming? When had I stopped believing in all the possibilities? I think I had an early mid-life crisis.
But that’s what set me on the path to write seriously. How many of you in your youth wondered what your life would be like in the magical year 2000? Suddenly, 2000 was looming, and I was working in retail management. I wanted MORE.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you get all fired up to DO IT.
Amy, Amy, Amy, you do pay it forward and the universe is rewarding you!
Amy, thanks again for contributing such a fantastic guest blog to MM. And I laughed when I saw the Virgo phrase was I ANALYSE. Do I ever. Judging by the comments, your blog was as inspirational to the rest of the MM readers as it was to me.
I will. Way to go, Leo! I like that and it’s me to a tee.
Awwww Marcia you’re a Leo? Leo’s have very strong personalities!
LOL! Zoe, my Leo grandmother would agree…which is why we live a thousand miles from each other.
We get along fabulously now.
Amy had been an inspiration since the day she invited me to join one of her groups! I am so grateful to her for connecting me with such a caring and talented group of woman.
You never fail to amaze me, Amy, girl.
Oops, Amy has been an inspiration to me, still is!
hehe Amy, yeah both Aries and Leos really have to be careful not to step on people. If it’s any consolation, most of the time we don’t do it on purpose.
Theresa,
Thanks for believing with me. I think that’s part of the karma. Not only am I ready to pull for myself, but I’m open to letting others spread their positive vibes my way. And I spread them back. And the more energy I spread, it feels like the more energy I gain.
Karin,
You’re such a sweetie to even swing by here, but now that you’re here, I’ve gotta confess some things:
Karin taught me TONS about what it means to be a hardworking professional in this business. She pours herself into her stories, yet she manages to keep tabs on dozens of struggling writers and give advice, encouragement and empathy. She is ALWAYS positive and diplomatic–even when she’s being blunt. Last month, she was named RWA’s PRO Mentor of the Year. And she deserved it.
Karin taught me by example to pay it forward. Oh, and she shared with me another of my favorite quotes: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” –Madeleine Albright I couldn’t agree with Karin and Madeleine more.
Michelle,
You analyzing Virgo, you. It’s tough being a writer, because you have to work even harder to turn off your internal editor. Now you know to watch out for it.
So glad you found the post (and comments) inspirational.
Mary,
So glad you love the GIAM loop. It’s the feedback I get from you and others that the loop has changed not just your writing but your LIFE that still astonishes me. It also makes me determined to reach out and try to build that for more and more writers.
The concept has always been simple: gather a manageable number of people to participate on the loop. Post our goals and accomplishments weekly. Share high and low moments throughout the week as necessary. Get to know each other a little (it adds up over the months and years), get to recognize where everyone is at in their writing career. Share industry and inspiration on an ongoing basis.
They say it takes a village, and that’s what GIAM has become for me–my own special neighborhoods.