Damaged
March 29th, 2007 by Edie Ramer
Congratulations to Amy Knupp for winning the Once Upon a Christmas anthology by Anna Adams, Brenda Noval and Melinda Curtis. Amy won this by commenting on Anna’s guest blog last Saturday. Yay, Amy! I know you’ll enjoy the early Christmas cheer.
Now onto a subject less cheery. I’m okay, you’re okay, but the characters in my books are NOT okay. They’re damaged. If we’re breathing and old enough to read blogs, we’ve all been damaged at one time. Hell, probably dozens. Hundreds. And we swear, cry, whine, kick something, then pick ourselves up and go on.
But what happens when you’ve been damaged soul deep?
My soul isn’t brand shiny new. It’s nicked and cracked, but it hasn’t had a knife stuck deep within it. The characters in my newest book walk around with that knife-wound in their souls. They’ve picked themselves up, yanked the knife out, and are going on, but their lives will never be the same. They will never be the same. They’re too damaged.
My problem is how to write this without my characters wallowing in depression. I hate those kinds of books. I don’t read them, much less write them. I’m a humor-loving gal, and my plan was to have glimmers of humor throughout the book. Give my characters attitude.
A nonfiction book helped show me how it’s done. I’m reading Anderson Cooper’s DISPATCHES FROM THE EDGE. Cooper is a reporter who focuses on tragedy. War in Sarajevo and Iraq, the tsunami in Fri Lanka, starvation in Niger, Katrina in New Orleans. He’s covered it all. But some of the strongest pain comes when he talks about his own tragedies.
For those of you who don’t know, he’s Gloria Vanderbilt’s son. His father died when he was ten, his brother committed suicide when he was twenty-one. Cooper talks about his deepest emotions matter-of-factly. Here’s one paragraph about the year after his brother’s death:
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“Many times that year, I wished I had a mark, a scar, a missing limb, something children could have pointed at, at which adults could tell them not to stare. At least then they would have seen, would have known. I wouldn’t have been expected to smile and mingle, meet and greet. Everyone could have seen that, like a broken locket, I had only half a heart.”
The characters in my book have only half a heart. After reading this, I know how they feel inside. This nonfiction book touched me more than any fiction book I’ve read in a long time. I want to touch readers like this too.
Cooper has gone on with his life. He’s become a success, but the tragedies formed him. On the inside jacket cover, it says “If he could keep moving, and keep exploring, he felt he could stay one step ahead of his past …”
In this book he’s stopped and faced his past. My characters need to do the same thing.
Cooper hasn’t wallowed in the pain, and neither will my characters. Mine will still have glimmers of humor. My characters will still have attitude. But through the cracks in the attitude, the damaged soul will seep out.
You can read more short excerpts from Cooper’s book in this interview. I’d love to know if it touches you as much as it did me.
Is there any book you’ve read, fiction or nonfiction, that touched your soul and heart like this?
37 Responses to “Damaged”
Wow, Edie! I loved this blog. Cooper has always been a favorite of mine. He’s intense. I didn’t have a clue about his pain, though. Soul scars aren’t visible, you’re right. I read as much nonfiction as fiction these days. When I need soul-fed I usually reach for the former. I love learning about life, about our soul-journey. The series I loved are the, CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD, ones by Neal Donald Walsch. I’ve read lovely novels that touch me also. I love that we have so many books to choose from.
Story of O.
It pissed me off and to varying degrees disturbed me the first three times I read it (over a period of several years.) But I kept coming back because I knew that me being pissed off was about me and not the book. That the book had something worthwhile to share with me. I just sensed it.
It was worth it to read it a fourth time. Because my reaction to it and feelings about all the characters are completely different. I “get it” now. Before I don’t think I had the depth of life experience or self understanding to get it.
Now it’s one of my favorite books.
LaDonna, you’d think someone like Anderson Cooper would have it all, wouldn’t you? It’s amazing what pain people carry inside them. This book humbles me. I’m still reading it. It’s not the kind of book I speed through. Right now I’m at the part where he’s at a hospital in Maradi, Niber, and children are dying of malnutrition.
I read CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD years ago. I should pick it up again.
Zoe, you just sent to Amazon to read the reviews. I don’t think I can read the book. Too disturbing for me. But I think it’s a great way to understand people who do feel that way.
Years ago, I read NINE AND A HALF WEEKS, but I never felt I was into the woman’s mind.
Nine and a half weeks was pretty good. The movie sucked though.
I think stories like “O” have a specific audience. There are those who can appreciate it on an artistic level but can never fully “get it” cause their mind just doesn’t operate in that way.
Zoe, I never watched the movie. The book disturbed me so much, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it. If I ever write a book with this kind of relationship–although I can’t see doing it with the main characters–then I might read Story of O for the insights.
What I personally go for is taking the knife, stabbing a nice and clean soul, twisting, taking the knife out, let it heal somewhat, then stick the knife in again. Repeat 6 or 7 times.
I will check out the Cooper book, Edie.
May, I’m so glad I’m not one of your characters. Er, I assume you’re talking about characters and not boyfriends.
I’ll probably stick the knife in my characters a couple more times and do a little twisting too. Weu’ve got to do that to make them interesting.
And, May, I really would like to know if it affected you as much as it did me. I hope so. I’d hate to be called Evil Edie again.
But you are Evil Edie. It’s permanent!
OMG, I’m branded for life by May!
Sounds like an interesting book, Edie. I’ll have to pick it up.
I read “The Story of O” a long time ago and found it disturbing. So much so that I never read it again. Wonder what insights I’d get reading it 20 years later?
I’m not one to go in search of books that’s guaranteed to depress me, so I can’t contribute anything to the discussion
Liz, let me know how you like the Cooper book. Despite the subjects he writes about, it’s not depressing. It really made me think. And feel too.
Yes.
Michelle’s the tech expert here, right? Hey, Michelle, can we fix it such that Edie shows up as Evil Edie?
I offer good bribes, such as homemade cookies and good choccie.
Heh, heh, heh. That name is gonna stick, Edie … or should I say “Evil Edie”?
Marvelous Michelle, don’t listen to Malicious May. Remember, we’re the positive bloggers. Except for Lewd Liz, I see. (It doesn’t fit her, but it’s one of the only bad “L” words I could think of).
Hehe Liz, well “O” pissed me off and disturbed me to varying degrees the first three times…so…you never know.
You might react to it completely differently now.
But if it’s not your kink, probably not lol.
Edie, what I hated about the movie (and the book may have done the same thing actually, I can’t remember, I saw the movie first.)
But in the movie at least they show this couple exploring in this way, and they (the movie people) think they are being all naughty and risque…but then at the very end they pull back and say: “but that’s bad and naughty, you can’t live like that” I hated that they didn’t end up together.
They MAY have not ended up together in the book either, but I remember the book was still somewhat better. It didn’t feel like it was sanitized like the movie. Do you remember if they ended up together in the book? Now it’s gonna bug me and I’m gonna have to read it again to find out.
When my mother was dying from cancer, I read Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s “On Death and Dying.”
What I took from it was to always face the dark with grace. That’s what got me through losing my mother. I learned, and better understood, that dying is a part of life; that knowing you’re going to die comes with a choice: to get busy living, or get busy dying.
I apply that lesson to every day living.
Zoe, no, they didn’t end up together in the book. It had a depressing ending, though. I won’t say more, alhtough it wasn’t anything melodramatic or awful. Just depressing.
Books like It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong (but then I’m the Tour de France junkie here
)have inspired me in that way, Edie. I also read a very powerful book on pain and strength called The Good Women of China a while back. Humbled me totally.
I started reading a book about Afghanistan by a British woman journalist, but I couldn’t get past the descriptions of torture. I just wasn’t able to.
May, I’m afraid, as Edie is my room mate at National, I’ll be unable to make her come up as Evil Edie. Who knows what she’ll do while I’m sleeping if I do?
Kath, I’m glad that book helped you through it. It’s a great lesson. I think Kubler’s book is still popular.
Michelle, I’ll have to read the Lance Armstrong book. I’ll look up the book about the women of China. Thanks for letting me know about them.
And thanks for not changing my name to Evil Edie. Not that I would do anything while you were sleeping, but I do have a mean water gun.
Lewd Liz? Pitiful, Edie, absolutely pitiful. I personally prefer Languid Liz or Lazy Liz.
How about Lascivious Liz? Your hero sounds really yummy (did I ever email you about promo stuff? IOW, you coming by my blog?).
Michelle, you can do it after National.
I have a few more. Lusty Liz. Laughing Liz. Lecherous Liz. Loquacious Liz. Hmmm. The last one might fit.
One more: Lunatic Liz. 
What you guy do? Hit a Thesaurus?
I kinda like “Lunatic Liz”. Heh, heh, heh.
Unfortunately I don’t get a chance of hitting as many blogs per day as I like, but I try to space them out. I’m heading over to your blog now, May.
Lunatic Liz it is. LOLOL
Hmmmm…this subject is a little to close to home for me. However, I will say this about my particular non-fiction book. It changed my life to the point that I’m determined to never let anyone steal my happiness from me again. My “book” pissed me off to the point that I must have thrown it across the room a dozen times. Once I calmed down, I’d pick it up and continue reading from the last mangled page. It picked apart my personal experience and helped me understand questions like “Why me?”, “How did I get into this mess?”, and “How could I be so stupid?” In the end I learned the most valuable less of all: it wasn’t my fault.
Edie, then probably the movie ended like the book did.
Marcia, that is really deep. I’m glad you found a book that helped you come to that realization. You’re right, whatever it was, it wasn’t your fault.
Zoe, that’s what it sounds like. If I’m going to watch a movie based on a book, I think I’ll watch the latest Pride & Prejudice again. I saw it when it came out over a year ago, and was meaning to watch it again. That’s more my kind of movie.
I gotta get that book. The hero in my wip is a reporter who’s spent a lot of time overseas in war-torn countries.
Thanks for the tip, Edie. I liked Anderson Cooper before I knew this.
Glad I could help, Eli! I bet it will be a great help for your book. I got it from the library, but when the paperback comes out in May, I plan on buying it.
Edie,
I love reading about damaged characters. I love watching as they come to life even more.
That’s one of the reason I love romance so much– in romance there is life and laughter at the end of the darkness. In mainstream or literary, there is damage and depression–followed by desolation and ended with death, or something even more destructive. Give me at some light at the end of the tunnel, otherwise i won’t read!
Theresa, from reading part of your book, I see how damaged your characters are. You’re twisting that knife deep within their souls.
I nned the light too after the darkness. The book doesn’t need to end HEA, but it at least needs to end with hope. If it doesn’t, I won’t buy the writer’s next book.